Chapter 56 - Shock & Fright

“BEN!” My voice is trembling with fear. Ben comes running into the room. I am still staring at the wet bloody spot in the bed with my hands protective on my belly.
“Lynn, you startled me. Are you okay?” Ben asks. I shake my head and point at the bed. Ben’s eyes get big and he looks from the bed  back to me.

“What happened?” He asks and I start crying. “I am afraid Ben, I think I miscarried. I don’t know what to do now. Hold me please.”
Ben takes me in his arms and softly kisses me on top of my head
“We need to see a doctor.” Ben says.

I change my wet trousers quickly and walk with Ben to the car. I am still holding my belly. Is it karma hating on me for doubting that I wanted to keep the baby? Will there ever be a time when things will work out the way they are supposed to?

We rush to the doctor for a check up. We are lucky she has time to see me right away and I lay down on the table. Ben is firmly holding my hand and I can feel him trembling.

The doctor lifts my shirt. I shiver when she squirts the cold gel on my belly. She carefully slides the wand across my belly, looking for a sign that there is still something there.

I hold my breath and Ben is squeezing my hand hard. His face pulled into a frown.
After what seems like hours, a soft little buzzing sound fills the room. The doctor looks at me and smiles. “There is a heartbeat. It is weak, but it’s still there.”

I take a deep breath of relief. “What happened to me then?” I ask.

“There is hardly any fluid left. Your water broke.” She explains. I shake my head. “But if my water broke, doesn’t that mean I need to go into labor now?” My voice is trembling. I am only 17 weeks pregnant. Too early to give birth.

The doctor takes her time to explain to Ben and me, that it happens more often that women lose their fluids early during the pregnancy. I feel relieved for a moment, but then she continues. “The surviving chances are slim. The baby needs to fight and your womb needs to fill up with fluids to increase any chances.”

“So, what do I need to do now?” I ask fearful. I look at Ben. His face is pale and he looks shocked at my belly. “You have to rest. Flat on your back for as long as possible. We will check up on you every day to see how things go. Of course this can’t be done at your own house. You have to stay in the hospital till we know more.”

I feel like crying. I bit my lip not to cry and I can taste the iron taste of blood in my mouth.

“Doctor, does this happen when people have sex during the pregnancy?” Ben asks with a soft voice.

The doctor shakes her head. “Not at all. A baby is perfectly protected in the belly, as long as there is enough amniotic fluid around the baby. Don’t worry, sex during the pregnancy is not bad at all.” She says. Ben sighs with relief. “Excuse me while I go make some calls. You will be picked up with an ambulance soon.” The doctor assures me.

I tell her that it’s not that far and we can take the car. “You are not traveling anywhere right now missy.” She says on a motherly tone.

I lie back down on the examine bed and look at Ben.  A tear rolls down his cheek. I lift my hand to wipe it away. He grabs my hand and keeps it there, my palm against his cheek.

“We’ll get through this. And so will the little one, if it is anything like us, it will be just as stubborn.” I assure Ben. But I am not sure if I believe it myself.

The ambulance arrives and takes me to the hospital in the middle of Seville. A familiar place to be.
Ben rushes home to get some stuff for me to be at the hospital.

I share the bright white room with only one other girl. She is asleep and I look at her. She must be about my age. A big bump is visible through the thin sheets. She’s clearly pregnant.

I rest my head back in the pillows and stare at the ceiling. I am bored already. How on earth am I supposed to stay flat on my back for I don’t know how long.

A quick look at the clock tells me that it’s nearly time for dinner, I wonder what’s on the menu. I also wonder where Ben is. He’s away for over an hour now.
The door opens and a familiar face peeks around the corner. I smile and wave. “Hi.” I say. “Hi miss, how are you feeling now?” Ben asks me and I grumble. “I already hate it here, but it’s for a good cause.” I say.

Ben hands me a bag with my pajamas. my phone and a book. “Thank you.” I say. “You’re welcome. I also told Inéz what happened and she immediately called one of her old colleagues to help at the daycare, so everything is settled. And your mom and dad will come to visit you tonight.” Ben says.

I smile.

I’ve got the best boyfriend in the world.

Ben sits down next to my bed. “Do you know what they will do now?” He asks and I have to deny that.
“No one has told me anything yet. I am here for more than an hour. And I only saw the nurse who gave me this.” I hold up my arm to show him the needle that sticks in my hand. Ben follows the tube all the way up to the drip. “What’s in there?” He asks. I shrug. “Probably something that will work.” I say.

Ben strokes my hand. “Are you hurt?” He asks worried. “Not much.” I reply quickly. “Just scared.”

He lifts my hand to his face and gives me a soft kiss on my palm. A tear slides down my face and lands on the pillow. My eyes are burning, my chest is hurting and I am about to break.
I can’t forgive myself if something happened to the baby. It’s all the bad karma working for me for not wanting the baby.
I do want the baby, I do.

‘Keep the faith.’ sounds softly in my head.

“Never lose hope.” I whisper and Ben looks at me. “Don’t lose hope and never, ever give in.” He replies.

I look at Ben and his eyes are teary. “We will get through this.” He assures me. I can only hope that he is right.

Hours pass and I still don’t know what will happen to me.

Ben is still sitting by the bed and the woman in the bed next to me wakes up. She is suffering from pre-eclampsia and needs bed rest too. I am not the only unfortunate here. But if things go bad with her baby and she goes  into labor. Her baby will be strong enough to survive. I know I am mean for thinking that. But I can’t help it.

A soft knock on the door and my mum steps in the room, followed by my dad. Ben gets up from his chair and gives me a kiss. “I will be back soon. I am going to get some coffee.” He smiles and takes off, hugging my mum when he passes her.

My dad is the first to be at my bed and hugs me softly. “What happened? Ben told us to get here as soon as possible. Is the baby okay?” My dad’s face is pale and his eyes are red.

“I still don’t know anything dad. Besides that my water broke and I need bed rest.” I calmly explain to my dad what the doctor told me before I went to the hospital.

“I will demand a nurse speaks to you, to tell you more.” My dad says angrily and walks away from the bed into the hallway.
My mum rushes to my bed and places a kiss on my forehead. “I was so worried.” She says softly. “I am still worried.” I reply.

My dad comes back to the room together with a nurse. “Now tell her that everything will be fine.” My dad demands but the nurse shakes her head. “I can’t do that señor, I am sorry. I am not the right person to say anything right now.” The nurse bends her head and avoids looking at me.

“Why can’t you tell me anything?” I ask “It’s not up to me.” She simply replies and I start to worry again. Why can’t she just tell me what’s going on?