I am tempted to see if he is dead. But Ben grabs my hand and drags me away from Rick. I struggle to get loose but he’s too strong for me. “Lynn, we need to go. NOW.” Ben shouts.
We run through the forest back to the car. We jump in and Ben stomps the gas. We need to get out of there.
I place my head in my hands. I am trembling. I just killed a guy. A guy that tried to kill me first, but still. I killed Rick. I am a murderer.
“Take me to the police Ben. I need to turn myself in.” I mumble. “I killed a man.”
“You killed a monster. A monster who deserves to get punished for what he did.” Ben sounds angry.
“Are you mad at me?” I ask with a trembling voice. “Yes, I am.” Ben says. “I tried to stop you. They will put you in jail if you turn yourself in.” Ben continues.
I start crying. “I can’t walk away from this. I just can’t.” I cry.
“You have to. I can’t let them put you in jail.” Ben says. We stop in front of the hotel and Ben runs inside. He is back within a few minutes and we take off.
“Ben, think about this for a moment. I need to turn myself in. I am sure they will understand when I tell them it was self defense.” I say but Ben shakes his head.
“Don’t be too sure about that.” he replies. “They will lock you up anyway. They first need proof that it really was self defense.” He says.
“Ben, please don’t be mad at me.” I mumble. He squeezes my leg.
“We will be on the run for the police now, instead of Rick. Did you ever think about that?” Ben asks. I look at my hands and slowly shake my head. “I only wanted this to stop.” I cry.
I glare at Ben. He is biting his lip and looking straight forward. He looks worried, not angry.
We drive past the most beautiful landscapes but I can’t enjoy it right now. The only thing I can think of is that I murdered someone. That I shot a man. I actually pulled the trigger of the gun.
Wait, where is the gun?
“Ben, where is the gun?” I ask. Ben shrugs. “I don’t know, didn’t you put it back where it came from?” he asks.
I reach to my jeans, and there it is. I stuffed it back without realizing it. Can it be gone? Can I toss it out?
I start opening my window. “Don’t.” Ben says and I look at him. “Why not? I need to get rid of it.” I say.
“They will find it, and put it all together. The gun, Rick, your fingerprints. Don’t make it too easy.” Ben replies.
“I told you that it would be easier if I just turn myself in. Ben I killed a guy, I need to pay for what I did.” I say
Ben shakes his head. “That’s not going to happen. I can’t handle you being locked away from me. You did a good thing.”
“I did not!. I am a murderer. NOW TAKE ME TO THE POLICE!” I shout at Ben. “Why aren't you listening to me.”
Ben looks at me. “Don’t shout at me, I am trying to save you here.” He looks angrily at me and I look angrily back.
“I don’t need to be saved anymore. I can handle it myself.” I say while crossing my arms.
“If you can handle it yourself, you better get out the car and go to the police by yourself. I don’t want to have anything to do with it.”
I bite my lip and I try not to cry. This is not what I meant. Ben is pulling over and I open the door. “If that’s what you want, then I’ll go.” I whisper.
I step out and grab my backpack from the backseat, I have no idea what’s in it right now. All my clothes are spread out on the backseat. But I am sure I will make it to a police station with all that’s in it.
I slam the door and walk away from the car. Not looking back and fighting the tears.
This is insane. I am walking in an unknown part of Portugal. With nothing more than empty roads around me.
I killed a man. I left my love. Where did the happiness go?
I keep walking.
I am all alone on these empty roads and I don’t know where I am going. I am terrified to turn myself in. What if they lock me away? Or kill me for being a murderer?
What if Rick is still alive and is coming after me for trying to kill me.
Where did Ben go?
I see a house in the distance and I almost run towards it. I knock on the door and a little boy opens the door. “Olá.” He says. And I smile. “Hello, is your mommy home?” I ask.
The boy looks up at me with his brown eyes, he doesn‘t reply. Of course he does not speak English.
I point at him. “Mama?” I asks. Assuming that Mama is a world wide known word and I am right. He turns around and runs inside to return a few seconds later with a lady. “Olá.” The lady says.
“Hello, do you speak English?” I ask. She keeps her index finger and her thumb a few inches apart. “Little.” she says.
“I need to call the police.” I say. She looks at me and thinks for a moment. Her face lights up. “Ah, Polícia.” She says and winks me to come in.
I follow her and she points me the phone. “Call Polícia?” she asks and I nod slowly. “Ok.” I reply
She dials the number and hands the phone to me.
“Olá?"A voice on the other end of the line says and I fall silent for a moment. “Olá. I killed a man.” I say, out of the blue.
The woman looks at me. The fear is visible in her eyes. “It was self defense.” I mumble into the phone. “He’s in Monsanto Forest, close to the ruins.” I say.
“Where are you right now?” The police ask me. And I look at the woman. “Where are we?” I ask the woman. She tells me the address and I let the police know where they come to get me.
I hang up the phone. The woman is still looking afraid at me. The kid is nowhere to be seen. “I am not dangerous.” I raise my hands. “I killed my ex boyfriend who threatened me with a knife.” I say. The woman doesn’t understand me properly. But apparently enough to ask me to sit down and she pours me a drink.
It takes the police ten minutes to show up. They knock the door and the woman lets them in. I am afraid. Really afraid and I wish Ben was here to comfort me.
Ben.
I won’t be seeing him ever again probably.
He drove away from me, when I walked out on him. Rick finally managed to pull us apart. Or did I do it myself by killing him?
The police sit down. They brought a translator with them. They let me tell my story,
I start by all the things that happened in Amsterdam, till the stabbing in Seville. They call the police in Seville to confirm this story and I continue.
I tell about the phone call I received in Lisbon and that I noticed Rick at the parking lot near Monsanto Forest.
“When did you buy the gun?” The police asks me. “In Seville. When I had to look over my shoulder all the time. I bought it to make myself feel safer when walking on the streets alone.” I say honestly.
They take notes and then I need to ask. “Did you find the body?” I ask.
The police man looks at me. “Yes we did. We brought him to the hospital. He is not dead. And the doctors are trying to save his life right now.” He says.
I gasp. Not dead.
That means he will come after me, again, eventually.
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