Chapter 52 - Oh, Jesus

I feel like crap all day. I have to run to the toilet from time to time and I have no idea what it could be from.

“You should call the doctor for a check up.” Inéz suggests and I slowly nod. “You are right, I might be allergic from something to than just seafood.” I mutter. I hate myself right now. I have never been allergic to anything until I moved to Seville.

Inéz hands me the phone. “Call.” She orders me. I dial the number of the doctor and after explaining to her what’s happening to me, she orders me to stop by as soon as I can.

I ask Ben to help Inéz during the kids’ naptime and head to the doctor. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Ben asked before I left. But I assured him it’s fine. They will probably tell me that I have to be careful what I eat.

Apparently my stomach is very sensitive.

I enter the doctors office and the assistant asks me to pee in a cup. I look weird at her. “Why?” I ask.
“Standard procedure.” She replies.

Like a stomach bug will be visible in my pee, I think. But I take the cup and go into the bathroom. I manage to pee in the cup a bit and hand the cup over to the assistant. “Thank you.” She says.
I snort. Shitty job she’s got. Taking pee from random people.

After fifteen minutes of waiting it’s my turn to go see the doctor. She welcomes me and tells me to sit down.
I tell her what’s wrong with me. She raises her eyebrow and looks from me to my belly.

“Did you recently have your period?” She asks.

I think out loud. “It’s been a while, but that must be because of the stress of setting up my own daycare. I can’t honestly say when the last time was.”

“Well. There is your stomach bug. Congratulations, you are pregnant.” The doctor says.

My mouth falls open. “But I am on birth control. And how can you know? You did not examine me!” I am flabbergasted.

“Your pee told us what secret is hiding inside your belly.” The Doctor smiles. But I am about to cry.

Pregnant.

Me?

Why?

Things were going just great at the moment. A kid will ruin it all. I have been careful all the time. How could it happen then?

My thoughts are running.

The doctor looks at me and sees that I am not thrilled with the news. “Accident?” She asks.
I shrug. “Not planned anyway. How can I get pregnant while I am on birth control?” I ask.

“Many reasons. Sometimes the birth control pill is not working properly. Have you been sick in the past months, throwing up or diarrhea?” She asks.

I think back. The food poisoning. That must have caused it all.

My stomach is turning around and I have to run to the toilet again. Why did this happen to me.

I can’t handle a pregnancy right now.

I empty my stomach in the toilet of the doctors office and walk back to Suerte. Inéz and Ben must be waiting for me. I look at my watch and see that I’ve been gone for over an hour.

What do I tell Ben?

What will Ben do if I tell him I’m pregnant?

I can’t do this to him, not right now.

I walk back inside and smile. “Hi there.” I paste a fake smile on my face and pretend like everything is okay.

“What did the doctor say?” Ben asks worried.

“Probably just a stomach bug, nothing to worry about.” I reply. It’s not really a lie. There is something inside me, growing and causing me to throw up.

It might as well be called a stomach bug.

I continue the day at work, pretending like nothing is wrong.

Inéz glares at me every once in a while but she doesn’t say anything. The fake smile is still pasted on my face and I play around with the kids like nothing is wrong.

I’m getting good at pretending that everything is fine.

It’s after closing time and Inéz and I clean the room. “Are you pregnant?” Inéz asks me without warning.

I stop cleaning and look at her. “Why would you think that?” My voice trembles when I ask.

“Your behavior and the morning sickness. Aren’t you happy?’ She asks. I sigh and look at my feet.
I try to choke back the tears.

“How can I be happy with a baby when everything is going so well right now. A baby would ruin everything. I can’t be sitting home with a baby when there is a business I have to run. Ben is starting a new career and everything is just settling down. If I counted correctly, I am pregnant for about 7 weeks now. Which means I will be huge by the time of the wedding. How on earth can I find a wedding dress to fit into with a belly like that.” I sit down on the couch and start crying.

“I did not ask for a baby and yet it happened.” I cry.

Inéz kneels in front of me. “Life happens the way that it should. You can’t predict for things to happen. You should talk with Ben about it. You can’t keep this a secret from Ben.” She says.

I shrug. “If I get rid of it, no one will know but me.”

I never thought about abortion until now.

It’s the best option. We are too young. We aren’t married and we are definitely not ready for a baby yet.

‘But Ben is great with kids. He loves kids.’ A voice in my head keeps chanting but I ignore it.

“Abortion will be the best solution. We can think about kids in two years. When things finally settle down for us.” I softly say.

Inéz looks up angry.

“I would completely understand your decision for abortion, if you didn’t have a home, or a lovely man. If you got pregnant after being raped or just from a one night stand. But everything is going well. Why would you want to hide it. Why do you want to take away the chance to give birth to new life when it happens to you?” Her voice is trembling and I look at her.

A tear is rolling down her cheek. “Some people would give everything to get pregnant and you’ve got everything to make it happen. Some girls would trade their lives with you right now. Girls like me, for example.” She whispers.

“Are you? Did you? What happened?” I stammer.

I hold Inéz’ hand and let her tell her story. It turns out she won’t be able to have children. She and her boyfriend were trying for two years before she went to the doctor. She turned out to be infertile. “And that’s when Rodrigo began to belittle me.” She shrugs. “He hates me for not being able to give him the kids he always wanted. And I can’t make him see that I can’t help it and that I am sad about it too.”

Now I know why I had a bad feeling about Rodrigo.