The police take me with them. They assure me I am not arrested for murder but for attempted homicide.
I can live with that. I could also live with it if I was arrested for murder. That way I would know for sure that Rick would not come after me again.
I am still afraid. Afraid what will happen to me. Afraid that they will lock me away for good. Afraid of the prisons in Portugal. I have no idea how they are or how they will be. Not that I know how prisons in any other country will be. But I have to fight as hard as I can.
If only Ben was here.
I don’t even know for sure why we parted ways. He still has all my stuff besides the things that are in my backpack.
I have to give all my belongings to the police. My phone, my belt and even my shoe laces.
I can make a phone call at the police station and I am tempted to call Ben. But I am afraid he won’t pick up. I decline my right to make a call and they lock me in a little cell. I sit down on the bed and look around. It’s small and dirty. There are cobwebs in the corners.
I am glad I am not afraid of spiders. I check the bed for rodents and insects. There are none and I lie down.
The ceiling is full of unidentifiable stains. I don’t want to know what happened in here.
It seems like I am in this cell forever when a tall, lean guy with a big mustache and short black hair comes up to me. “Boa tarde. My name is Alfonso” he says. “I came here to tell you that the guy you shot, has passed away. That means you will be tried for murder instead of attempted homicide.” He says. My eyes open wide and I look at the man. “Rick passed away? So he is not going to chase me ever again? I am safe now!” I sigh relieved. The man frowns and looks at me.
“He chased you?” He asks. I nod. “Since Amsterdam.” I reply. Apparently they don’t share the files and stories in this little prison.
I tell my life story about Rick again.
“I will make sure you get out of here senhora” the man assures me. “If your story is all true, you did it to protect yourself.”
“Me, and my friend too. Even though I have no idea where he is right now.” I mumble.
I fold my hands in my lap and look down. “I wish he was here. I miss him and I need him.” I admit. “He ran out on me when I told him that I wanted to turn myself in. And I willingly walked away from him too. But I can’t live without him.”
Alfonso grabs my hand. “Everything happens for a reason and if you had stayed with him, you probably would not have had the strength to turn yourself in. And now, with your friend being gone, you don’t care about what happens to you. So you turned yourself in.” He says
I think Alfonso is right. But I had to hear him say it to know that it is true. “Well Senhora, I will keep you informed with what will happen. Take care.”
Alfonso lets go of my hand and walks away. I am alone again.
I lie back on the bed and think about what Alfonso said.
Was it really fate that pulled Ben and me apart so I would have the strength to do the right thing? I hate fate. I want Ben to come back to me.
Rick is dead. He won’t come after me anymore. I don’t have to run.
Wait, I can’t run at all, I am in prison. But I will get out someday. And then I don’t have to run away from Rick anymore.
I never thought that killing a person would feel so good.
If only Ben was here.
I stare at the ceiling. Many thoughts are running through my head but none of them is about how to get out of jail. Maybe I will have to stay here forever.
My eyes are getting heavy and I drift away in a dreamless sleep.
I wake up in the middle of the night, startled by strange noises. I sit up straight and I am confused for a moment.
Where the hell am I? Oh, yeah, I am in prison.
A little bit of moonlight is shining through the little window in the wall. I get up from the bed and look outside. I am in jail, and I can’t get out.
I stare in the distance, not able to see anything. It’s too dark to get a proper view of the area outside the prison.
I sigh and walk back to the bed. First night in jail and I already regret that I turned myself in. But it’s something that must be done. I am doing the right thing.
Am I?
If only Ben were here, it would make it so much easier. I can’t do this alone. I can’t save myself.
I toss and turn and manage to get a few more hours of sleep.
Alfonso is waking me up with a yell. “Senhora, Wake up.” He says. I open my eyes and look at him. The prison door is open and he gestures me to come with him.
I jump up and follow him out of the cell.
We head into at little room and we both sit down. “I am your lawyer.” Alfonso says. I look at him. “Who decided that?” I ask. “I did, I think you need a good lawyer and I am one of the best lawyers you can get around here.” He replies. I like a confident person when I need one.
“Fine by me. How much do I have to pay you for getting me out of here?” I ask him. “I think you deserve to get out of here. So you decide what you want to give me when I get you out of jail.” Alfonso says. I raise one of my eyebrows. “You mean I don’t have to pay you and you will still help me?” I ask.
“Yes Senhora, that is correct.” He replies. “
The happiness is coming back slowly. And I have no idea what I have done to deserve to be helped by a man like Alfonso. Even though I have no idea if he is actually a good lawyer. Maybe he isn’t a lawyer at all. But I have to have faith in anyone willing to help me now I am all alone in here.
Alfonso tells me to tell him my story again, but this time he will record it. He also tells me that I have to tell my story probably a lot more times, to different people. To see if I tell the truth.
Easy. I know I tell the truth, and I know I am honest. I must be out of here quickly. Unless they will charge me for something else.
I finish my story. The tears run down my cheeks. It’s hard to tell people that I don’t know, about my fears, about my life before Ben, about getting beaten up in Madrid and the stabbing in Seville. And why I made the decision to buy a gun so I’d be able to defend myself.
I feel like I told my story a hundred times and there are still people who want to hear it.
They finally let me go back to my cell after what seems like hours. My throat is raw from all the talking I did. But I have faith now that it all work out.
I’m back in my empty and quiet cell. My thoughts are running and I start crying when I think of Ben. I miss him so much. It’s like there is a hole where my heart used to be. It’s like Ben took my heart with him.
I curl up into a ball and bawl my eyes out.
Can I get out yet?
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