Chapter 44 Sweet Company

“Uhm?” Ben asks. “That’s not what I was hoping to hear.”

I look at down at him. He is still holding my hands. “I don’t know.” I say honestly. “I don’t know if I can do it.”

Ben stands up, still holding my hands. He looks at the little box in his hands and puts it back in his pocket. His eyes are sad and I feel bad already.
“I don’t know. Ben, I love you a lot. I don’t want to be away from you anymore. But I don’t know if marrying you would be the right thing to do.” I say.

I don’t know anything for certain right now. I wish I could say yes from the bottom of my heart. But it just doesn’t feel right.
I turn my head away from him and stare in the distance.

“Please, don’t hate me Ben.” I mumble. I look back at him. “I can’t say yes if it doesn’t feel right yet.”

I place my hands on Bens’ chest. “Say something please.” I beg. “I will ask you another time then.” Ben says. A faint smile appears on his face. “Well, now that’s settled, can we go down now? I am about to shit my pants.” He laughs.

I am relieved that he is not angry at me. “As long as you don’t shit rainbows. I am okay. So, let’s go.”
We take the stairs back down. A weird feeling is still tingling in my belly. Why did I say no? He is my dream man for years.
I love him for 3 years now. That’s long enough to say yes? Right?

It still doesn’t feel right. But aren’t details for suckers? Can I use my heart instead of my head in a matter like this?
Is it my heart that says no? Or my head that says no.

I don’t know.

I should just say yes and see what happens.

The staircase is dark and small. Ben walks behind me and almost bumps into me when I suddenly stop and turn around..

“Ben, can you ask the question again?” I ask. “What? Why?” He asks. “Don’t ask, just do it, before change my mind.” I say in one breath.

“It’s a little too small to kneel here.” Ben says. “Doesn’t matter.” I say. “I don’t need you on your knees. I can’t see it anyway.”

“Lynn, will you marry me?” Ben asks his question again.

“Yes, I will marry you Ben.” I reply.

“Why did you change your mind?” Ben asks. “I did not really change my mind. I just thought about what Spencer would do. That’s why I followed my heart, not my head.” I laugh.

I can’t see Bens’ face, but I know he is smiling. I hear a soft click of the jewelry box and I feel Ben reaching for my hand. “Let’s do this right.” He says while putting the ring on my finger. I hold my hand in front of my face to try to look at the ring, but it is too dark in here.

I stroke the ring. It’s a small ring with a little stone in it. I like that Ben picked a small ring.

I reach out for Bens’ face and pull it towards me for a kiss. The kiss in the dark seems to last forever.
A passionate kiss in the dark, small staircase of La Sagrada Familia.

“I can’t believe I went all the way up there to ask you to marry me. And you say yes in the dark stairwell.” Ben chuckles.
“Well, I hope you have overcome your fear of heights.” I say. “No, I did not. I barely had my eyes open when I was up there. And when they were open I was looking at you.” He tells me honestly.
“We need to do something about your fear of heights someday.” I say. “Want to go bungee jumping with me?” I ask.

Ben gasps. “Are you freaking kidding me? Only if you go horseback riding with me.” He replies.

Now it’s my turn to gasp. “No way.” I say.

“No horseback riding, no bungee jumping.”

We laugh and continue our way down the stairs.
After what seems like forever we step outside intp the light and the first thing I do is look at my ring.

It’s a silver ring with a little white stone in it. When I move my finger the stone gets different colors. “What kind of gem is this?” I ask.
“It’s a Moonstone.” Ben replies. “I do not think of you as a diamond kind of girl.” he laughs.
And he is right. I am not a diamond girl. “I love it Ben.” I say and lift my chin for a kiss. “I love you.” Ben says before kissing me.

“When did you buy it?” I ask Ben. “In Portugal while you were in jail. From the moment I came back from the United States, I knew I never wanted to leave you again. I also knew it was just a matter of time until I asked you to marry me. And that’s when I found this ring in a little jewelry store in Lisbon.” He smiles.
I immediately knew this was the perfect ring for you.

“Why Mr. Graupner, I never thought of you as the romantic guy. But apparently you are.” I laugh.
“No, not romantic at all. I am just sweet and adorable and sexy and you know you love me and you also know that you want to kiss me right now.” Ben grins and I giggle. “I can only agree on that.” I smile.

Ben softly kisses me on my lips. I open my mouth to let his tongue in.

“Get a room.” Someone shouts at us. I look up and laugh. A few teenagers are looking at us.
I continue kissing Ben and raise my middle finger at the kids.
“Wooooooo.” They cheer. I let go of Ben and look at them with a smirk. “At least I will get some tonight.” I say while giving them my best arrogant look.

Ben grabs my hand and pulls me away from them. “Let’s go get some food.” He laughs at my silly behavior with the kids.

“Hmm, food. You definitely know how to distract me, don’t you?” I grin.
“Food, sex, cigarettes and booze.” Ben counts on his fingers when he it sums up.

I laugh. “In that order, yes. I love my happy list.”

“Well in that case, what do you want first?” Ben asks. “The first one of the list.” I grin.

There is a McDonalds around the corner. “I want a Happy Meal.” I say. “There is not enough food in that box for you to survive the day.” Ben teases me. But I take a Happy Meal anyway.
“I can eat more later if I am hungry.” I say.

“Can we go now and cross the second thing off your list now?” Ben asks. “Second thing of my list?” I ask.

“Yes. It seems like a good idea to do all four things today that make you happy.” Ben says.
“Pff. Like you don’t like to cross all the things off my list.” I tease.

“What are we waiting for? Let’s go!” Ben pulls me with him and I don’t hesitate to follow him.
“Slow down dude.” I say. Ben is almost twisting my arm. “Why the rush? We’ve got all the time in the world.” I say while I stop walking.

Ben turns around and looks at me. “I can’t wait to cross number two of the list.” He says with a grin.
“You bunny.” I tease.
“Well, it will be the first time we make love as an engaged couple.” Ben laughs. I think for a moment and smile. “That is true.”

This time it’s my turn to pull Ben with me. Back to our apartment.