I sit outside on the bench with Aña, smoking our cigarettes. “I miss Ben so frigging much.” I tell her while looking through the fence to the guys who are working out. “Even with all the sexy guys to look at?” Aña laughs. “Even with all the sexy guys.” I admit.
Ben is back to the United States for a month now. And I have no idea when he will come back.
He promised me to sort everything out and return back to Portugal. But apparently things take more time than he thought.
The guards let me call him three times a week. And only for a few minutes per call. A long distance phone call like that is pretty expensive.
I’ve got four and a half month to go till they let me out of jail. The time in jail is not asbad as I thought it would be. Aña is always there to cheer me up. And Alfonso is taking good care of me.
But today it just crossed my mind that it will be Christmas in a month. And that means I have to celebrate it in jail. Without my man. Unless he manages to come back within a month.
Every time I talk to him on the phone he avoids my question when he’s coming back. I can’t imagine it is that hard for him to get the damn thing sorted out.
Tonight is Ben time again. If I smile nice, the guards let me talk to Ben a few minutes longer.
Aña keeps her promise to teach me Spanish and I am getting good at it. I have nothing else to do with my time.
I call Bens’ cell phone and I expect Ben to answer. But it’s another voice sounding in my ear. A deep male voice. “Who is this?” I ask. “Who is this?” The voice asks too. I laugh. “It’s Lynn. And you are David, right?” I grin. “Yes, it is.” He replies. “Nice to hear your voice Lynn.” David says.
I blush.
Of course I know Ben’s dad. Who doesn’t know him. He is a very persistent character on the internet. I always loved to see what he had to say.
Till I met Rick.
“Can I speak to Ben please? My time is limited.” I say. I wonder if Ben told his dad what I did.
“He is busy right now. Would it be possible for you to call back later?” David asks me. “I think that is not really going to happen. I am in jail.” I tell David. “Oh, yeah I know that. Ben told me. But I thought maybe you could. Well let me find him. Hang on.”
The sound gets muffled and I wait patiently. I hear soft voices but I can’t hear what they say.
“Hi baby.” Ben sounds like he’s out of breath. ‘Hi, are you okay?” I ask worried. “Yes, I am.” He replies quickly.
“Any chance you will be back here before Christmas?” I say in one breath. A silence on the other side makes my hopes drop down.
“I am trying my best, but I can’t promise anything. How are you doing over there. Still keeping that smile on your face?” He asks me, changing the subject. But this time it’s my turn to be persistent.
“Did you find out about a new Visa yet?” I ask. “Hmm, still working on it.” Ben says.
“Senhora, time to go.” A soft tap on my shoulder makes me turn around. It’s Felipe. My favorite guard. He always let me be on the phone a little longer. “Oh please Felipe, just five more minutes.” I plead and flutter my eyelashes. He gives in immediately. “Five more minutes.” He agrees.
Ben is laughing on the other side of the phone. “Felipe?” he asks. I laugh. “Yup, how did you guess.” I reply.
We talk about how we spent our day and I tell Ben that I am almost speaking fluent Spanish now. “I am ready for you to come back and conquer Spain.” I grin.
Felipe looks at me and points at his wrist. “Time to go honey. I love you much too much. I wish you were here.” I sigh.
“I love you too my sweet Lynn. I promise I’ll be back soon.” Ben says.
I hang up the phone and suddenly a thought crosses my mind. Where is Ben? Why is he with his dad? His dad lives on the other side of the United States.
What are they up to?
It’s 7pm and that means it’s cell time. We all head to our cells and they lock the doors behind us.
I convinced the guards to let me share my cell with Aña. We assured them we would both get better out of it.
After begging for two weeks they finally gave in. Time in prison is even more fun now.
Aña and I pick up the study. “You are doing well Señorita.” Aña says. “You are ready for your life in Spain.”
I hug her. “All thanks to you.” I reply.
We talk and study and I even teach Aña some Dutch words. “Lights out.” The guards are walking through the hall to make sure that everyone is turning their lights off and getting into bed.
I close my books and jump on the top bed. “Goodnight Aña.” I say. “Buenas noches Lynn.” She says.
I smile at the ceiling. This isn’t that bad. But I wish I had met Aña in a bar to have fun with her, instead of in this dark and boring prison.
More and more days passing by. It’s getting cold outside. Winter entered Portugal. And the days are getting shorter.
It’s ‘calling-Ben-day’ again and I almost run to the phone when Felipe tells me that it’s my turn for a phone call.
“Honey.” I say when Ben answers the phone. “Hi baby.” He replies. He is silent on the other end of the phone.
“What’s up?” I ask. “Nothing much.” He replies.
-Silence-
“Ben where are you?” I ask.
“Arkansas.” he replies. I frown at the phone.
“What are you doing in Arkansas?” I ask. “My dad is helping me sort things out about the whole visa thing. There are too many things I have to do and I can’t do it by myself.” Ben says.
So that’s why his dad picked up the phone when I called last time. “How did you do it with your visa last time?” I ask.
Ben is silent. “Ben?” I asks.
“Hmm?” he replies. “Ben, what is wrong?” I am starting to worry now.
“Nothing’s wrong. I just made a mess of a few things and I have to sort it out. That’s why it’s taking so long.” Ben says.
Somehow I don’t believe him. He is still avoiding my questions. And when Felipe tells me it’s time to get off the phone I quietly say goodbye instead of my usual begging for a few extra minutes.
Felipe is surprised.
He frowns. “Everything okay senhora?” he asks. I shake my head. “I don’t know what’s wrong with Ben. It looks like he is avoiding me. It seems like he is not really willing to talk to me.
“And he refuses to answer my questions about his Visa. I desperately want to know if he has any idea when he will be coming back this way.”
“Maybe he is too busy to talk.” Felipe says. “He always had time for me when I called him until recently. I tell you, he is avoiding me.”
Is this the end.
Did he realize that I am not the girl he wants to be with.
A long distance relationship is not working. But he promised me to come back.
Did he change his mind?
I sigh and stroll out of the room with my hands in my pockets
Alfonso is waiting in the hall and wraps his arms around me when he sees me crying. “Are you okay?” He asks.
I shake my head. “No, I am afraid that Ben is not coming back to me.” I cry.
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