Five years have passed since I left Amsterdam together with Ben. It has been a stormy five years.
Bobbi Joy is turning four this year. Her little brother Jonah Spencer will be two in September.
I look out over the growing olive groves where Ben and Jonah are playing soccer. Bobbi Joy is playing on the keyboard that Ben gave her. It’s the keyboard he used to use in the band.
We make up our own songs and sing them loudly.
Jonah and Ben are running through the grove and I smile. I rest my hand on my belly. I might have some news for Ben later today.
I smile and stroke my belly softly.
Ben turned from a world traveling nomadic soul into a sweet and loving dad and husband.
Who would have thought what fate could bring.
A soft knock wakes me from my thoughts. “Lea, hi.” I smile and ask her to come sit with us.
Lea moved to Seville when she lost her job back in Amsterdam, only a few months after Bobbi Joy was born. Erica needed an extra pair of hands at the bed and breakfast. And Lea couldn’t say no to that offer. She met Marco after a short while. It was love at first sight and they got married a few months after they met.
She is pregnant for seven months now
Sara is coming over nearly once a month. I miss her deeply every time she has to leave.
Inéz left the daycare to start a new life in the United States. She and Will kept in touch after our wedding. With a little help from Ben and me.
It will be a matter of time till Will asks her the big question too.
I kept my promise to Aña to visit her once Bobbi Joy was born, and she got out of jail a few months later.
She is now traveling through Spain to find the place where she belongs.
I haven’t seen Alfonso since the wedding.
My parents and I are still in touch. I call them at least once a week and we’ve been on holiday to Amsterdam a few times now.
Bobbi Joy adores my dad in law too. She asks me to call ‘grampa’ David nearly every day.
The daycare grew from a little daycare to a huge center, run by six people. We had to build extra space to the already existing rooms. And we are still growing.
“Mommy, play.” Bobbi Joy wakes me up from my thoughts and we start to play ‘Mary has a little lamb’ on the keyboard. Basically the only song I can play on an instrument at all. I’m glad that Ben is the teacher here. Bobbi Joy already knows how to play.
I stop playing and look at my precious little girl. “I love you Bobbi Joy.” I say. “Love you mommy.” She says and wraps her little arms around my neck.
These are the most precious moments in my life.
Ben runs up to us, followed by a singing and smiling Jonah. He looks like his dad in every way possible. The green eyes, the smile. He even has the same sense of humor.
Ben plops down next to me and wraps his arm around me. Bobbi Joy jumps on his lap. “Daddy.” She smiles and covers his cheeks with butterfly kisses. I lift Jonah and pull him on my lap. “No mommy.” He struggles to get loose. The little independent adventurer. I let go of him and he wanders around the garden. Closely followed by Theo. He’s watching every move. Jonah goes where Theo is and Theo goes where Jonah goes.
Bobbi Joy jumps off of Bens’ lap to run around with Jonah and Theo and I lean against Ben.
“Ben, I’ve got something to tell you. I am late.” I smile and he looks down at me.
“Are we going for our own complete band?” He asks with a grin. “Or a soccer team maybe?” I reply.
He places a kiss on my cheek.
“I am going to be a daddy. Again.” He laughs and softly kisses me on my lips.
“For ever bunnies.” I giggle.
I rest my hand on Bens’ leg and look at our two kids running after Theo.
Life holds special magic for those who dare to dream.
I dared to dream.
I followed them.
I chose my own path in life and made the magic happen.
All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.
The End
******************* Special thanks to my MonkeyJunkieMom Jamie for checking the grammar and changing the story where needed!
Thanks to all my readers who encouraged me to keep it going.
Thanks to Benjamin Graupner for letting me use his name.
It’s hard to say goodbye to Will and Ben Johnson. They have become such good friends to me the past weeks. But it’s time for them to head back to the United states. “I promise to come back when the little one is born.” Will assures me and I smile. “You really should. You always have a place to stay.” I turn to Ben Johnson. “And so do you.” I hug him tight. “Bye Lynn, take care.” He whispers in my ear.
Will pulls me in a big hug too. “I wish I could spend some more time with you. It was way too short.” He says.
My eyes are teary and I rub them. I don’t want to cry in front of them. They hug us both one more time and Will rubs my belly gently. “Take care, you little creature in there.” He says.
He always knows how to make me smile.
I wave at them till they are out of sight and I pout. “I miss them already.” I look at Ben. His eyes are red and teary. “So do I.” He admits.
“The past few weeks went by so quickly and I feel like I haven’t spent enough time with any of my friends OR my brothers.” He sighs.
“No wonder. Your brothers went back while we were on our honeymoon. Maybe we should go to the United States and visit them when the little one is big enough.” I say and Ben nods. “That sounds like a great idea to me. But that means we have to travel a lot. They all live in different areas of the United States.” He says and I shrug. “Some great person taught me that details are for suckers.” I smile and Ben looks up. “True.”
Joanne and I go shopping for baby clothes the next morning. “What do you think it will be?” She asks me and I shrug. “I really have the feeling that it’s a girl. But I hope it’s a boy.” I say.
“Why?” she asks and I think for a moment. “I am afraid that if it’s a girl that I will compare her to Amada.” I say honestly and Joanne nods. “I understand that. Have you thought about names yet?”
I nod. “Yes we have. Well, Ben came up with the name for a boy. One of them at least. We want to name him after Spencer.” I ramble and Joanne smiles. “That’s a nice idea.”
“And we want to bring the name ‘Robert’ back into the family. So it would be something like Robert Spencer, but I don’t really like that name. So we would go for three names then.” I say in one breath and Joanne chuckles.
“That are a lot of names. What will be the official name then?” ‘
“Well, If it’s a boy his full name will be Robert Jonah Spencer, but he will be called Jonah.” I say.
“And if it’s a girl her name will be Bobbi Joy.” I say. Joanne is silent and looks at me. “I like the names.” She says. “Though it might take me some time to get used to the name Bobbi, if it’s a girl.” She says honestly.
“I’ve always loved a name like Bobbi or Doris for a girl. Just because it’s unexpected.” I smile.
David and Joanne are still at the house for two more days. But then they have to leave too.
That leaves me all alone at the house after Monday. Ben will be at work all day.
I think I will have to fill my days with walking with Theo, sitting in the yard and watching movies.
I’ve got five more weeks to go and I am already bored.
I call my mom every day. I visit Erica every other day and the rest of my time is filled with cleaning the house and watching movies.
The nursery is done. Everything is ready for the little one to arrive.
Except the little one itself.
The clock is ticking and days are passing by really slow. I practically live at the daycare to cure boredom.
Ben calls me a few times a day to check up on me. Only two weeks to go. The suitcase is packed just in case and Inéz peeks around the corner every now and then when I am not at the daycare.
We had just finished dinner, Ben is watching TV while I am in the kitchen making a cup of tea when I feel a pop and a wetness between my legs. It’s gushing down and I look at my legs. “BEN!” I shout and he runs into the kitchen. “My water broke.” I say and rest my hands on the counter. “That’s good right?” Ben asks worried and I smile. “Yes it is. Call the doctor and ask what we need to do.” I say.
No contractions have started yet and I over to a chair and sit down. “The doctor is sending out the midwife to check you. You want to stay at home?” Ben asks.
Both my sister and I were born at home, but I never thought about doing that myself. “No, I want to go to the hospital.” I say. “After Amada, I’d rather be safe than sorry.”
I sit on the kitchen chair and wait for the contractions to happen. But there are still none.
The bell rings and Ben opens the door and returns with the midwife. I only met her a few times before. “Hola Juanita.” I say with a smile. “So, things started?” She asks and I nod with a smile. “I think it did. But I don’t feel anything.” I say.
A sharp pain shoots through my body and I grab my belly. “Unless this is what contractions feel like.” I grunt with my teeth clenched. The pain passes by quickly and I look at Juanita. “Is this it, or isn’t it? My water broke an hour ago.” I say and tap my foot.
“Impatient much?” Ben laughs.
“Señora, you might as well lie down to rest before it really starts.” She says and I frown. “But I have contractions and my water broke. Isn’t it supposed to start now?” I ask and Juanita chuckles.
“It could be, but it can also take a few hours. Do you want to deliver at home or at the hospital?” She asks. “Hospital.” I say right away. “Then I suggest we drive to the hospital and they will take care of everything there.”
Juanita looks at Ben. “You drive to the hospital, bring your wife and help her through this.” She orders.
I walk to the car with Ben while calling Erica. “Honey, my water broke, I might be away for a while. Can you take care of Theo?” I ask. Erica squeals and laughs. “Of course I will. I will see you and the little one soon.” She laughs and I hang up the phone.
I only have contractions twice during our twenty minute drive to the hospital. They are not hard and I manage to handle them.
Ben keeps looking at me with a frown. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks and I nod. “Yes I am.” I assure him.
I expected the pain to be worse. As people told me it would hurt so much.
We check into the hospital and they order me to sit down in a wheelchair so they can take me to my room.
There is another woman in the room. Our beds only separated with a thin white curtain. I frown at Ben and he shrugs.
“You can use the shower anytime you want.” The nurse tells me.
“A shower would be nice.” I say. I grab some things from my bag and step into the small bathroom. I turn on the faucets and step under the warm water. A pain moves from my back to my belly and I take a deep breath. I guess this is another one.
The contractions are still not coming regularly and I manage to get some rest.
It’s just past midnight when I am starting to get some regular contractions. Every three minutes.
They last for about sixty seconds. This goes on for twenty minutes and the contractions get harder.
I start sweating. My back hurts and I have no idea how to sit or lie down. I walk around. I lie on the bed. Ben gives me backrubs.
Nothing works.
I am crying. “Ben, it hurts.”
The nurse asks if she can check me and I lie down on the bed. 6 centimeter, she says. Not enough.
“I can’t do this.” I cry.
The contractions are getting heavier and following up quicker after each other.
I am all worn out. I am having contractions for three hours now. But I am still not fully dilated.
I take another shower and the hot water relieves the pain a bit. I step out of the shower after twenty minutes. It isn’t working anymore.
I keep walking around to try to find a way to handle the contractions.
I lie down on the bed and squeeze Bens’ hand when I try to handle the contractions. I want to sleep. “Is it too late to ask for medication?” I whimper.
The nurse checks me again. “9 centimeters.”
I lay flat on my back with my knees pulled up as far as I can.
Juanita stays with me and keeps checking me. “You are doing great mommy.” She says and I try to smile.
Another contraction and I whimper loudly. Ben is stroking the hair from my face. I feel the urge to push. “Can I push yet?” I ask.
Another sharp pain and I arch my back while trying to regain my breath by breathing slowly in and out.
“Okay. Lynn, listen to me. You have to push when you feel the next contraction.” Juanita says and I nod slowly. Ben is holding me tight. I feel the contraction coming and I push.
It feels like I am ripped open and I wail. “I can’t do this. Please, make it stop.”
“One more time Lynn, I can see the head. I see dark hair.” Juanita encourages me to push again.
I push and cry and wail. “You are doing great mommy.” Juanita says. “One more push, a big one.”
I look at Ben and he looks helplessly back at me.
“Do something, you asshole.” I grunt and he holds my hand. I think I must have hurt him badly by squeezing his hand tightly at the last push.
Juanita smiles and holds up a perfect littlem but loudly crying child. “It’s a girl.” she smiles.
Juanita gently places the perfect little dark haired girl in my arms. I look at her and then at Ben. “Look what we did.” I smile. Bens’ eyes are red and he looks down at the little creature in my arms. “Hi there Bobbi Joy, I am your daddy.” He says with a soft voice.
He strokes the hair from my face and presses a kiss on my damp forehead. “I am so proud of you.”
“Daddy, do you want to cut the umbilical cord?” Juanita asks and hands him a pair of scissors. “I can do that?” He asks. Juanita tells him where to cut and Ben looks proud when he cuts the umbilical cord.
I look at my little princess. “I have to take her for a moment.” Juanita says while gently lifting her from my arms.
“Well done mommy, she responds perfectly.” I look at the clock. My little Bobbi Joy, born on the twelfth of November at 5.34am. After almost 12 hours of labor.
My perfect little Bobbi. 50.2 centimeter, 6.85 pounds and a head full of hair.
I rest back on the pillows while Juanita is washing and dressing Bobbi Joy. She hands Bobbi Joy over to Ben and he walks up to me. “She is perfect.” He sighs. I look up at my giant, holding such a fragile little creature in his big hands. “You were born to be a daddy.” I smile with a trembling voice.
A tear rolls down Bens’ cheek when he looks at Bobbi Joy. She looks back at Ben and yawns.
Ben sways her softly back and forth while humming. My eyelids are getting heavy and I drift away in a deep and peaceful sleep.
I am exhausted and I feel how much my feet hurt when I finally lay down on the bed. Ben lets himself fall backwards on the bed. “I am exhausted.” He yawns and looks at me. “How about you, Mrs. Graupner?” He asks and I giggle. “Mrs. Graupner.” I lift my hand to my face to look at the ring. “I am really Mrs. Graupner now.” I am still giggling. Ben leans on his elbow, with his head on his hand and looks at me. “My wish came true.” He smiles and leans in to kiss me. “I love you, Mr. Graupner.” I smile. “I love you too, Mrs. Graupner.”
I still like the sound of that. I snuggle up to Ben as close as I can get with my big belly and fall asleep with a big smile on my face.
The alarm clock wakes me up the next morning. Ben is already awake and finishing packing for us both. He carries the suitcases downstairs while I get freshened up and dress myself.
David drops us off at the airport.
We arrive in Toulon late in the afternoon and my tummy is grumbling. “Can we get something to eat?” I ask Ben. “We have to find the hotel first.” He says. We take a cab to our hotel on the Rue d’Alger. It’s a beautiful street, close to the harbor of Toulon. “I wonder about the view.” I grin and we go into the hotel.
The hotel is nice and cozy. It’s small but clean. We drop our suitcases in the room and I look out of the window.
I see the whole Rue d’Alger and I can’t wait to go out there. To sit outside on a terrace and enjoy the people walking by.
“Can we go out yet?” I ask and Ben smiles. “Don’t you need to change first?” He asks. I think for a moment and open my suitcase. “Summer dress will do.” I say when pulling out a pink knee length summer dress and my black flats. “Ready.” I say. Ben laughs and quickly changes his sweatpants to his skinny jeans and his grey shirt. I glare at him. “Not the unicorn again.” I give him the stink eye. “What about your green sleeveless shirt?” I flutter my eyelashes and smile widely. Ben chuckles. “You would love that one, wouldn’t you?” He asks and I nod. “Yes please.”
Ben gives in and changes his shirt. I grin and pretend to wipe away drool from my chin.
“Weirdo.” Ben nudges my shoulder.
I grab his hand and pull him with me to the elevator. “Food and drinks.” I smile.
There is a little bar down the Rue d’Alger with a terrace. We take a seat and order a quiche and some drinks.
We sit in the shade of a big tree that is planted in the middle of the Rue d’Alger. There is a bird nest high in the top of the big oak tree.
I look at all the people that are walking by. I rest my hand on my belly and my other hand rests on Bens’ arm.
“I love it here Ben.” I say. “It’s so quiet and peaceful”
Ben leans in to kiss me on my cheek. “It’s awesome here.” He agrees with me.
The next few days are filled with spending our time on terraces and walking through the old city.
We visit the harbor many times and spend a whole day in the natural history museum. I am as happy as a little kid to see the many dinosaur skeletons in the Hall of Paleontology.
“You really have a thing for dinosaurs, don’t you?” Ben asks with a frown. “Isn’t that more of a guy thing?” He asks.
“Yeah, just like loving Unicorns is for girls.” I reply with a laugh.
I impress Ben with my knowledge of many of the dinosaurs. “I bet you saw Jurassic Park way too many times.” He smiles when I tell him all about the Triceratops. “I did, yes, but I still know more about dinosaurs than most men do.” I brag. “Do you know what you call a blind dinosaur?” I ask Ben and he shrugs. “A Doyouthinkhesaurus.” I grin. “And what do you call a blind dinosaurs‘ dog?” I ask Ben and he shrugs again. “A Doyouthinkhesaurus Rex.”
Ben laughs and I smile. “Those are the worst jokes I’ve ever heard.” He chuckles. “But they made you laugh anyway.” I giggle.
“What is the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur?” Ben asks and I look at him. “Loud?” I ask. “From a long distance.” Ben says and I snort. “And you thought that MY jokes were bad.” I giggle.
We stroll across the Rue d’Alger back to the hotel for an early night sleep. We have to leave Toulon tomorrow and I really don’t want to go back home right now. I am having so much fun. Ben has to go back to work when we’re back, while I am sitting at home, waiting for the little one to be born.
Luckily Will and Ben will be around for another week.
We pack our stuff and make sure the hotel room is empty. We take a cab to the airport.
Ben calls David the moment we landed so he can pick us up. I see Bens’ car waiting for us when we step outside.
Seville is so much warmer than it was in Toulon and I regret that I am wearing my hoodie.
The air around Ventura smells like harvested olive trees mixed with the scent of poppies. We’re home.
Joanne, Will and Ben Johnson are there to welcome us. Will smiles widely. “Can I tell?” He asks Joanne and she nods. “You should check upstairs.” Will smiles and we all follow him upstairs. Ben and David each carrying a suitcase. I have a weird feeling in my stomach. What are they up to?
Will opens the door to the nursery “Tadaa” He says and I look inside. The nursery is finished.
The cradle, the dresser, everything arrived while we were on honeymoon. And it’s even more beautiful than I remember from seeing it in the stores the first time. “How did you know we wanted this one?” I ask.
Ben Johnson smiles. “Do you really think guys don’t talk?” And he smiles at Ben. Ben smiles back. “It’s even better than I imagined.” He says while hugging his friends.
“I love it.” I gasp and step inside. The crib is a light yellow color which matches the wallpaper. The curtains are made of a thin yellow fabric. Soft light is shining through it. The bedding in the crib is green with white and yellow sheep on it.
“It’s adorable.” I sigh. A huge teddy is sitting on an old but newly painted white rocking chair.
The dresser is white with butterflies on the drawers.
5 little paintings decorate the wall. They each have a drawing of a character from Alice in Wonderland..
“I drew them.” Will smiles and I look closer.
Alice, the White Rabbit, the Cheshire cat, The Mad Hatter with the March Hare and the Duchess.
“I love it Will. Thank you so much.” I sigh. “They are all based on the old characters.” He explains.
The changing table is olive green and placed in front of the light yellow wall. One of my favorite nursery rhymes is written on the wall above the table.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are
I smile and walk around the room. “I think the little one will be very happy in here.” I say. “Thanks to you all.” I smile at my new found friends and family.
I hug them one by one and so does Ben.
“I don’t think I will ever be able to thank you enough for everything that you did for me, for us.” I whisper and look at the floor.
Shy and me usually don’t go well together, but for now, I don’t know what to say or do.
I feel like a spoiled brat with all these people doing so much for me. “Are you hungry?” Joanne asks and I nod. “Good. I just ordered pizza.” She smiles.
We sit outside and I lean back in my chair. The little one is kicking and I place my hand on my tummy trying to calm the little one down. But she keeps moving. “Ben, can you please sing, that might help to keep the little one quiet for a while.” I smile.
I know it’s a lame excuse but hearing both Bens’ sing together makes my heart jump. Ben goes inside to get his guitar. He knows I love it when he plays the acoustic guitar and I am happy to see that he got that one.
He strums softly and they start singing ‘Faith in the Will’ in a whole different way. Acoustic and softly.
The little one is quiet the moment Ben starts playing the guitar and I smile. “You are going to be a magic daddy.” I smile.
“Magic huh, like unicorns?” Ben Johnson asks me and I stare at him. “Go away with the unicorns.”
“I had to keep the guys from making the nursery a magical unicorn room.” David laughs and I glare at Will and Ben Johnson. “Seriously? Dudes?”
The guys laugh and Will sticks out his tongue at me.
I throw the crust of my pizza at him and he grabs it from the air to throw it back at me.
“FOODFIGHT!” Ben shouts and throws pizza at Will too. “Kids, kids, kids.” David says and tries to make us stop.
A piece of pizza hits his head and stays tangled in his hair. “That’s it!” He says and hits his fist on the table. “Who did that?”
“Me.” I slowly raise my hand and blush. David turns around at me, grabs a piece of pizza and sticks it to my cheek. “Right back at ya.” He smiles and I giggle.
That’s the cue for a big food fight. Theo is having the time of his life. He is devouring all the fallen pieces of pizza off of the floor.
The ladies did a great job with the food and I enjoy every minute of it. Then David stands up and clears his throat. It’s hard not to laugh. Here goes nothing.
David opens his mouth and starts his speech.
“Good evening ladies and gentlemen. My name is David and I am the father of the groom. As Henry VIII said to each of his wives in turn, ‘I won't keep you very long.’ So I try not to do also.
I hope you all are having a great time. At least the food is great.” He bows his head towards Joanne. “At least there is no gooey, snotty paella involved.”
Ben slaps his hand to his face. “Not the paella, dad.” He moans and I giggle. “Told you so.” I smirk.
“Excuse me, this is MY moment.” David gives us the stink eye and I giggle louder. “Sorry David.” I grin.
“What I was going to say is that I am very happy with the bad cooking skills of my son that made his wife sick. Now I will finally be a grandfather soon. But of course my son is still a virgin, just like my two other sons.”
Dan groans next to me and I see Neils’ face turning red. I snort.
“Very well.” David thinks for a moment while he shifts through his cards.
“I've tried to memorize this speech, which isn’t easy when you have the memory retention of a geriatric goldfish. I did ask for an autocue to be set up in front of me, but apparently the wedding budget doesn’t stretch that far... And neither does my eyesight” He jokes.
Oh, how I love this mans’ sense of humor.
He turns to Ben.
“Benjamin. Now that you are married, Lynn will ALWAYS have the last word in any argument. Any word that you come out with afterwards will be the start of a whole new argument!
Remember, when you buy her flowers ...it PROVES you’re guilty. But of course, beware the far more serious consequences of not buying her flowers.
I wish you a wonderful marriage and I hope you have a really great life together.”
David turns to me and I blush.
“Lynn, I would like to formally welcome you into the family and wish good luck to you both.”
He bows and takes a seat.
“Was that all? No teasing to me?” I ask. But he only smiles back at me.
Then it’s my dad’s turn for the speech. I hold my breath.
“It was Sir Winston Churchill who said: ‘There are two things more difficult than making a speech: Kissing a girl who is leaning away from you and climbing a wall which is leaning toward you!’
I have a feeling that making this speech might be like trying to do both at the same time. However, I take comfort in the fact that this isn't the first time today I've stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand!’
For those of you who don't know me, my name is John van der Beek, the father of Lynn.
For as long as I have known Lynn, and that will be since June 23, 1988, I know her to be a shining star, a sparkling person. People immediately fall in love with her when she enters the room.
We fought a lot during her teenage years and we had a hard time when she left home to live with someone else.
Lynn, you’ve always been a dreamer. You always followed your dreams which left you shattered and broken most of the time. But you always managed to climb out of the deepest valley‘s.
This time you followed the right dream and I hope you will be happy for the rest of your life.
Her life hasn’t been easy the last few years and I can only thank you, Ben, for changing that. For making her the shining star that she used too be.
You gave her the sparkle back in her eyes.
Ben, welcome to the family.”
My dad raises his glass and I have to swallow a lump in my throat. He always knows how to say things right.
Ben leans in to kiss me and raises his glass to my dad. “Cheers John.” He laughs.
Ben Johnson gets up from his chair and looks around. “I guess it’s my turn now.
I hope you are all enjoying the wedding. Unfortunately every silver lining has a cloud, so here I am”
People laugh and I smile.
“I’ve meet a few of you, but for those of you that don't know me, I'm Ben Johnson. Bens‘ best friend and former band mate.
The people who do know me, know I am a man of few words, so I will keep it short.
First of all a thank you to the bridesmaids for looking awesome.”
His compliment makes Sara and Lea blush.
“Thank you for the food, the many beers and the great location.” He looks at Joanne and Erica.
“Well, now I am supposed to tell something about Ben. There is a lot to tell about him.
His talent to forget his lyrics, posting envelopes without addresses and his mental love for unicorns.
I can also tell a lot of stories about our time at Interlochen Arts Academy. But it wouldn’t make him look good when I tell stories involving white paint in public.
And then I will not even mention his Brony life. I assure you, there is no other man as proud to love My Little Pony as Ben is.
But I won’t say anything about that at all.
I will only say: Ben, I am proud to be your friend, I might hate you for moving to the other side of the world. But you now gave me a cheap place to stay when I need a holiday.
Ben. Here’s to you for finding the love of your life. You and Lynn are a great couple and I am sure you will be an awesome father too.
Lynn, here is to you for making my best friend happy. I am proud to have you as my friend now. And I am also proud that I am still the best hugger of all.
So then,
Ladies and gentlemen please raise your glasses in a toast to Ben and Lynn the new Mr. and Mrs. Graupner.”
Ben Johnson raises his glass and says a few words I haven’t heard in a long time.
“So here’s to all the ties we’ve tied and those we’ve tied too tight we’ll set aside.
Tonight we toast our enemies and friends and strangers and families.
Tonight we drink to gratitude.”
Goosebumps appear on my body when he says that. Bens’ body is frozen next to me and he slowly raises his glass while looking up to the sky. “To gratitude.” He mumbles.
I lean into him and whisper in his ear. “To Spencer and to us.”
Ben smiles at me and mouths. “I love you.”
It must be hard for Ben to celebrate a day like this without his close friend.
A soft nudge against my shoulder makes me look at Daniel. “What a man that Johnson huh.” He grins and I nod. “He is a man of few words, but he knows to use the right ones.” I say.
I chat with Daniel for a while. He had to leave his girlfriend Amy behind in Wisconsin. “Some girls have to work.” He pouts. “But I am flying back on Sunday. I can’t wait to see her again.”
When we are all done with dinner, I run back to my room at Soñador to change clothes. I can’t dance on these heels all night. I change into a black suit and my flat shoes and run back outside. Ben has taken off his jacket and his dress shirt has the top buttons unbuttoned.
He’s chatting with his brothers. I leave him be and try to find my sister. I haven’t spoken with her for years and hadn’t had the chance to speak with her yet.
I find her talking to Will. “HEY! Michelle!.” I shout. She looks back and runs up to me. “Lynn, oh I missed you so much.” She hugs me tight.
“I can’t believe you got married today. I never thought you would be the first to get married.” She laughs.
“So, you’ve met Will?” I ask and she grins. “He’s such a cutie.” She replies.
“And way too old for you.” I say. “But he is cute indeed.” I have to agree with her.
We chat for a while and head back to the party. The guys are setting up the music and I sit down next to Inéz. I follow her eyes and see that she is staring at Will. Will looks back at us and smiles widely.
Inéz bows her head and blushes. “Where is Rodrigo?” I ask. I remember seeing him at the ceremony. “He went home, he didn’t feel like partying with unknown people.” She sighs.
“Time for the bridal dance.” Daniel announces. Ben walks up to me and smiles.
The first tones make me chuckle. “They couldn’t have picked a mushier song than this, right?” I grin when Ben grabs my hands and leads me to the dance area.
He holds me tight and we start dancing.
Every time I look at you, baby,
I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight,
dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you
He rests his forehead against mine while we continue dancing. More people are joining us on the dance floor and my dad taps on Bens’ shoulder. “Can I have my turn now?” He asks and Ben lets go of me.
My dad and I dance around. Ben is dancing with his mom and my sister snatched Will to dance with.
This is the best day of my life.
The guys play the most awful songs and I have the time of my life, dancing around to silly songs, making up weird dances with my sister. Just like when we were younger.
I manage to grab a hold of Ben Johnson and thank him for the speech earlier. “You nearly made me cry.” I confess and he smiles. “You’re welcome.” He gives me a hug and a kiss on my cheek before he takes off to dance with Lea.
David grabs my arm and pulls me onto the dance floor for a quickstep. “I heard you can dance.” He says. “Take the lead.”
I take my chance and guide David around the dance floor. I giggle loudly and try to avoid bumping into people.
One by one people are leaving. The night is coming to an end. My tummy hurts from all the laughing that I did today.
I say goodbye to the people that are leaving. Some of them won‘t be here when we return from our honeymoon. I won‘t be seeing many of them for a while.
I give Aña a extra big hug and promise to visit her soon. She sadly has to go back to jail. “I promise to come see you when the little one is born.” I say and hug her tight.
Ben and I will leave for Toulon tomorrow. In the southeast of France. It’s only a short flight and we will still have some time off.
We will stay there till next week.
Everyone but Erica, Sara, Lea and our parents have left and Joanne is trying to convince us to go home and have a good night sleep before leaving tomorrow.
We finally give in and leave them behind with the mess.
I open my eyes and look around. I am confused for a moment when I realize that I am not in my own bed.
And then it hits me. I am getting married today and I slept at Soñador for one last night. Ben will come here for the wedding. But we wanted it to be traditional, the bride and groom not sleeping together the night before the wedding. I had a hard time falling asleep without Ben next to me.
I look at the clock. It’s already eight in the morning.
A soft knock on the door makes me rush out of bed. “Coming, coming.” I say and open the door. Lea, Sara, Erica and Carlotta stand in front of my bedroom door. They are still in their pajamas, with huge smiles on their faces. “You are getting married today.” Lea cheers.
“No, really? Was that today? I guess I forgot.” I say, voice dripping with sarcasm.
“Lets make you a beautiful bride.” Sara cheers and claps her hands.
“Hmm. Did you bring your make-up kit?” I grumble. “I am barely awake.”
“It will be okay. You are looking at a master make-up girl.” Carlotta points at herself. I think I just need to give in.
The girls push me into the bathroom to take a shower. The nerves are creeping up. I shut off the faucets and dry myself quickly. I need to sit down to dry my feet with my big belly being in the way.
I slip into my new, white underwear and walk back to the room.
" We have plenty of time. Let's have some breakfast." Erica says and I frown at her. "I am not really hungry right now." I tell her. The butterflies are fluttering through my stomach and I am afraid I will throw up if I eat something.
I finally manage to eat a thin slice of toast and drink a cup of tea.
"Now sit down and let me do your hair." Carlotta commands. I sit and let her blow dry my hair and fix it the way she thinks it should be. I am not allowed to look into the mirror until I am completely done.
"Make-up." Carlotta holds out her hand and Erica hands her what she needs. I see lots of pink and light brown shades.
I close my eyes and let Carlotta work on my make-up. "Are you done yet?" I ask. "Almost." She says. It takes her two more minutes to finish. The girls still will not let me look in the mirror.
I stand up and turn around to Erica. She is holding my dress. It's even more beautiful than I remember. The girls help me into the dress and it still fits perfectly.
The girls help me into my shoes too. They are the perfect white heels to go with my dress. But I can't get them on by myself because of my big belly.
I stand up and look at the girls. They are all smiling. I think I might see a tear or two also. "Well?" I ask.
"Come, see for yourself. You can look in the mirror now." Erica says.
I turn and look into the mirror and put my hands to my face. Oh my, I look like a princess.
My hair is pinned up with many tiny white roses woven through it. There are little tendrils of hair curling around my face. My make-up is natural and hardly visible, making my eyes look even more blue. The dress wraps perfectly around my big belly and the halter top makes my breasts look great.
"Don’t cry, don't cry.!" All the girls say at once. "You'll ruin your make-up." Carlotta says, laughing.
I have to bite my lip to keep from crying. "Thank you, all of you, for making me so beautiful." I whisper.
I keep staring at the clock. Time has never passed so slow.
Erica rushes outside to welcome all the guests.
My parents arrived late yesterday. I haven’t had the chance to speak to them yet.
I see my sister sitting next to my parents and on the other side I see Joanne and David with their two sons Daniel and Neil. I didn’t know they had flown in too.
Bens’ friends. My friends. They are all united in my favorite olive grove. My heart nearly bounces out of my chest with happiness. I look again and see Aña sitting between my friends, guarded by Alfonso.
Bens’ car appears in the distance. There he is!
I want to run outside but Sara is holding me back. “No. You have to wait for your cue.” She laughs and squeezes my hand. “Oh and don’t forget your bouquet.” Sara hands me a cream bouquet of lilies and roses.
My dad gets up from his chair and rushes inside to me. “I am supposed to give you away today.” He says. I smile and nod. “I am proud of you my dearest Lynn. How you’ve turned your life around. How you’ve dealt with all the things in your life. I am proud to give you away to a good man today.” He says with teary eyes.
I hug him. “Thank you daddy.” I whisper.
I look through the blinds and see Ben standing in front of our unprofessionally build altar. I giggle.
Sara and Lea open the door and I hear the beginning notes of the bridal march. I hook my arm through my dads’ arm and we walk behind Sara and Lea to the altar.
My heart is pounding and I am about to faint when I see Ben smiling at me. He looks so handsome in his dark blue suit.
I am glad my dad is holding me firmly. Otherwise I would have been running by now.
I take a deep breath. My dad gives me a kiss on my forehead and waits for the officiant to speak. “Who gives this woman to this man in marriage?” He asks. “Her mother and I do.” My dad replies and takes his seat next to my mother.
My heart is about to jump out of my chest when Ben reaches for my hands and squeezes them gently.
The officiant starts talking.
“Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, we are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the joining of Benjamin Orion Graupner and Lynn van der Beek in marriage. With love and commitment, they have decided to live their lives together as husband and wife.”
I find myself looking at Bens’ face more than listening to the speech.
The official continues talking and I do my best to stay focused on what he is saying.
Then it’s finally time.
"Do you Benjamin Graupner take Lynn van der Beek to be your lawfully wedded wife, promising to love and cherish, through joy and sorrow, sickness and health, and all challenges you may face, for as long as you both shall live?"
Ben smiles widely. “I do!” He says with a little nod. I giggle softly.
"Do you Lynn van der Beek take Benjamin Orion Graupner to be your lawfully wedded husband, promising to love and cherish, through joy and sorrow, sickness and health and all challenges you may face, for as long as you both shall live?"
“I do!” I say loudly with a smile.
People behind me chuckle.
Ben Johnson steps forward to hand us the rings.
We spoke about this for such a long time. Would we just slide the ring on each others finger? Or say something too.
I didn’t want to say anything. I am not really a big fan of talking in front of people.
Ben holds the ring and reaches for my hand. He softly slides the ring onto my finger and smiles. "I give you this ring, as I give to you all that I am, and accept from you, all that you are."
I stare at him, not knowing what to do. I can’t speak in front of all these people. My thoughts are running and I look at Ben. I don’t know what to do or what to say. And then my mouth starts to speak before I think about it.
“I welcome you into my heart and my soul as I give you my heart and soul for not only as long as we walk on this earth, but for as long as our souls fly free.” I slide the ring on Bens’ finger. He is staring at me a little shocked.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”
Ben leans down and kisses me softly. Then looks at me a little teary eyed. “I had no idea you were so poetic, Mrs. Graupner. Thank you”
I giggle a little. “I had no idea I was either, Mr. Graupner.”
Ben laughs and kisses me again. Then we turn to face our friends and family and walk back down the isle.
We look at our friends and family. My mom is crying and even my dad is wiping a tear away. They get up and hug both Ben and I. “Congratulations.” My dad pats Ben on the shoulder.
My sister hugs Ben while introducing herself.
I finally get to meet Bens’ mom and step dad. Their plane was delayed so they arrived here early this morning. “Nice to meet you.” Tammy tells me and I smile. “Nice to meet you too.”
I am so thankful for all the love and kindness from our family and friends. I don’t think life can get any better than this.
We are having a big dinner party at Soñador for all the friends and family. Erica, Joanne and my mom go to the kitchen to finish preparing dinner. Ben and I sneak off and hide behind an olive tree. He pins me against it and kisses me on my lips. “So, Mrs. Graupner. Are you enjoying yourself?” He asks. I rest my forehead against his’ and I nod slowly. “I am. And you?”
“Yes, I am.” He replies.
He grabs my hand and brings it up to his lips to softly press a kiss on it.
I grab his cheeks and pull his face towards me for another kiss. I open my mouth to let his tongue in. I hook my leg around his and pull him closer to me. “I love you Mr. Graupner.” I mumble against his mouth. “I love you too, Mrs. Graupner.” He replies.
A soft thump against my leg makes me look down. “Theo!” I say. “I think we need to go.” I say and pull away from Ben.
Ben, Theo and I walk back to Soñador. People see us walking back hand in hand. Will cheers. “Where have you been. Naughty people.” He laughs and I glare at him. “For a walk with Theo.” I reply with a straight face.
Will shuts up.
The tables are filled up with food and people are taking their seats. I end up between Ben and his brother Daniel. I sigh. This could be fun.
I drive around in circles, not sure where to go. My phone rings but I refuse to answer.
Tears are running down my cheeks and I stomp on the gas.
Ben with a hangover. Erica who doesn’t want to see me.
I finally park the car on the side of the road and look at my phone to see who desperately wants to speak with me. Ten missed calls, all from Erica. I sigh and go to put the phone down when it rings again.
I hesitate for a moment, but answer it after all. “What?” I snap. “Lynn, don’t be mad. Please. I did not mean to send you away like that, but I had no choice. I promise that I will let you know why later. Give me another chance and come back.” She says in one breath.
I am still angry. “What did I do to you?” I grunt. I know that most of my anger is coming from the hormones.
She finally manages to convince me to come back. I start the car and slowly drive back to Soñador.
Erica is already waiting for me on the drive way and smiles. I park the car and Erica opens the door for me. I get out and she pulls me in a hug. “I did not mean to send you away Lynn. I really did not mean it that way.” She whispers in my ear.
I shrug and step back. “It felt that way.” I am still grumpy and cross my arms. “Come on inside. I need to show you something.”
Erica takes me by my arm and drags me with her. She opens the front door and we step into the living room.
Familiar faces are looking at me. My mouth falls open. “Lea? Sara?” What are you doing here?” I smile widely.
“We wanted to surprise you. But then you showed up here so Erica had to call us back.” Lea explains. “Woah girl, you are so big.” She smiles and points at my belly.
“Yeah, the little one is growing well.” I walk up to Lea and Sara and pull them into a big hug. The little one starts kicking. “I guess someone wants to say hi too.” I grab the hands of Sara and Lea and place them on my belly. “Do you feel this? It’s a little soccer player.” I laugh.
Both Lea and Sara are looking at me with a big smile. “You are going to be great mom.” Sara sighs.
Erica comes back into the room with a tea and sandwiches. We chat for hours. About our lives now. About Amada. About the upcoming wedding and about nothing in particular.
Time flies when you’re having fun. Our chat gets interrupted by my phone. “Ben’s calling.” I smile and pick up the phone. “Hi there gorgeous.” His deep voice sounds at the other end.
“Where are you?” He asks. “I am at Ericas” I reply. “I wanted to take you out for dinner tonight? Are you available for me?” He laughs. “Weren’t you supposed to go out with the guys?” I ask and he sighs softly at the other side. “I was, but they told me that you needed my attention more. And they are right about that.” He says.
I shrug. “If you don’t want to take me out, you don’t have to.” I assure him. “I am okay.”
“Lynn, will you please go out with me?” He begs and I have to give in. “I’ll meet you at the house at seven.” I say before hanging up.
“I guess I have to go.” I say and hug the girls. “Can we meet up tomorrow?” I ask. “Let’s go shopping tomorrow. We need to look good at your wedding too.” Sara says and I nod. “Sounds like a good idea to me.”
I leave the girls behind and drive back home. The scent of food greets me when I step inside the house. “Anyone here?” I ask.
There are so many people around that I have no idea who could be inside. “In the kitchen.” A female voice calls me. I step inside and see Joanne busy cooking. David sits at the kitchen table reading a newspaper.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“What does it look like?” David replies and I chuckle. “Yeah, I know that. But Ben and I are going out for dinner tonight. So I hope you are not making anything for us.” I say.
“You are not going OUT to dinner. You and Ben need some quiet time together without any of his family of friends around. And no other people either. So I am cooking you a dinner and you will enjoy a quiet night at home, just the two of you.” She says and I laugh.
“I love how other people make plans for us.” I say.
“Think about it. How long has it been since Ben and you had a nice, relaxing evening at home, alone?”
I think for a moment and realize I can‘t remember when the last time was. “No, I was always too tired and went to bed, or I was sick. Or we were working to get the nursery ready. And we spent many weekends together with friends.
“How did you know?” I ask Joanne. “I talk to Ben every now and then.” She laughs. “Does he know about this?” I am full of questions. And Joanne smiles at me. “Yes, he knows. He is upstairs getting dressed. I told him to dress sophisticated. You need to put some romance back into your relationship.”
“Can I go?” I ask and Joanne nods. “We’ll be leaving as soon as dinner is done.” She assures me and I hug her. “Thank you so much for this Joanne.” I say and she strokes my back. “No problem.”
I try to sneak out of the kitchen. “Hey and what about me?” David asks and I turn around. He smiles and opens his arms. I walk back to hug him too. “Thank you too David.”
I rush upstairs to the bedroom but Ben is not there. “Ben?” I ask and step into the music room.
There he is, holding his guitar, waiting for me to come in.
The room is finally finished. The only light in the room comes from the fluorescent lamps on the black wall and it looks pretty.
Ben is wearing a suit and he looks even taller than he already is. He softly starts strumming his guitar.
I shiver when he starts singing with a soft voice.
We’re two of a kind on our own I won't walk out, I won't leave you All on your own I won’t leave you be No you’ll never walk alone
I sing about doing without But I don’t know how I’m tangled up inside your net I can’t get out Coughed up my life I changed it all by loving you Don’t ask me why, don’t ask me how Don’t get me mushy now
A tear rolls down my cheek. “Thank you.” I whisper. How did you know that this is my favorite song?” I ask. “Your mom told me.” He smiles shyly. He runs his hand through his hair.
I have never seen him shy before.
I take the guitar away from him and stand on my toes so I can kiss him on his lips. “I love you so much Ben.” I whisper against his mouth.
“I love you too Lynn.” He replies and wraps his arms around me. We kiss for a while till my grumbling tummy breaks us apart. “I guess me and the little one are hungry.” I giggle and place my hand on my belly. Ben does the same. And the little one reacts immediately.
“It keeps kicking.” I giggle.
“Bye!” A voice sounds from downstairs and the front door slams. “I guess it’s just you and me now.” Ben says. A movement inside my tummy makes me aware. “And little one.” I smile.
Ben goes downstairs while I change my clothes. Since Ben is wearing his suit. I need to wear something appropriate too.
I shift through my dresses and go for a short black dress. It barely fits around my tummy but I manage to squeeze into it.
Bare feet and my hair flowing down my back.
I’m ready.
I go downstairs to find Ben. He’s busy in the kitchen, setting the table and getting everything ready.
There are two cocktail glasses on the counter filled with a red/orange substance. Ben hands one to me. “Cheers babe.” He says. I look at the glass. “But, this is alcohol.” I stammer.
“Nope. Will taught me to mix a ‘Safe Sex On The Beach’ cocktail for you.” He laughs and I snort. “Safe sex? Really?” I clink my glass against his‘. “Well, here’s to us then.” I laugh and take a sip of the cocktail.
It doesn’t taste like the original at all. But for now it will do. It’s the thought that counts.
We sit down at the kitchen table and see what Joanne made us. It’s a plate full of tapas.
I eat as if I haven’t ate anything for weeks. “It’s really good.” I say with my mouth full of olives. Ben chuckles. “Don’t talk with your mouth full.” He laughs.
“What do you want to do now?” Ben asks me and I reply immediately. “Sit outside in the hammock and just do nothing.”
Ben looks at me. “Nothing? You and me, both doing nothing? Are you sure we can do that?” He laughs and I nod. “At least for a while, we can always come back inside to watch a movie later.”
He gives in and he sits down in the hammock. I sit down between his legs and lean against him. We softly swing from left to right. My head rests against his chest, one hand on his leg the other on my belly.
Bens’ hand is resting softly on my belly his other hand is stroking Theo, who lies next to the hammock on the grass.
The little one is moving and kicking every now and then.
It‘s completely quiet outside. Ben hums a soft song in my ear.
“Aren’t we supposed to talk?” I ask Ben. “I think so, but I like this better.” Ben replies and I laugh. “So do I.”
It’s getting dark and I look up at the sky. The stars are bright and the moon gives us all the light we need.
“Make a wish.” I say to Ben while pointing up to the dark sky. “There’s a shooting star.”
“I wish for you to be my wife.” He laughs.
“You are not supposed to tell your wish.” I nudge him. “But it’s true.” He pouts and we both laugh. “I guess your wish is coming true next week.”
*****************************
The song Ben is singing: Never alone by Racoon
Chapter Title:
(Technically the chapter is named after the new song of the Pink Fuzzy Animals. But that song is not on Youtube yet)
They break away after a few more seconds and Inéz looks down at the table. Will rushes back to the door. “See you later ladies.” He bows his head and leaves.
“What was THAT?” I ask Inéz. She is blushing and shrugs. “It was like a lightning strike.” I giggle.
“I thought you said Ben Johnson was the cute one.” I am still giggling.
“I couldn’t see William properly.” She says with a soft voice. “He’s nice.”
I laugh. “Just nice?”
Inéz nods frantically. “Just nice.”
I let it rest. We have to finish our lunch so the toddlers can go to bed.
The kids have all been picked up by their parents and Inéz and I lock the door. “You want to stay for dinner?” I ask. Inéz shakes her head. “Rodrigo is waiting for me.” She says and leaves quickly. “See you Monday.” I yell. She raises her hand to wave at me but doesn’t look back.
The living room is quiet. Theo runs up to me when I step inside. “Hi sweetie.” I say and scratch him behind his ears. He licks my hand and wags his tail. “Want to go for a walk?” I ask and he wags his tail faster.
I open the back door and walk outside with Theo and bump into a tall man. “Hey.” I say and take a step back. “Oh, David.” I say.
“Hi Lynn.” He pulls me into a big hug and I gasp for breath.
“When did you get here?” I ask. “We’ve been sitting here for a while now.” David replies.
“Why didn’t you come to the daycare? I could have let you in.” I say. I feel bad that they had to stay outside for such a long time.
“It’s okay. The weather is nice.” He replies. “Lynn, I would like you to meet Joanne.” He says. A beautiful dark haired lady steps forward and I shake her hand. “Nice to meet you Lynn.” She says. “It’s good to see that there is someone able to tame Ben.” She laughs.
“Nice to meet you Joanne.” I reply. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Depends from whom you heard it. If it’s from David, they are all lies.” She laughs and David glares at her. “I only say good things about you.”
I laugh. I now know where Ben gets his puppy dog eyes from. “Well, where is my son?” David asks and I shrug. “Out with the guys.” I reply. “Shall I call him to let him know that you are here?” I pull my phone from my pocket and scroll through it to find Bens’ phone number.
“Hmm Lynn?” His voice sounds at the other end. “Yup, it’s me. Your dad’s here. Where are you?” I ask.
“Eric’s bar.” He replies. I think for a moment. “Eric’s bar? Downtown?” I ask. Ben hums. “Yeah. I’ll be on my way soon.” He promises me and I hang up the phone.
“Apparently he’s on his way.” I tell David. I get some drinks for us. “Shall I make something to eat?” Joanne asks me. “No, that’s okay. I will quickly make something.” I reply and head to the kitchen.
A quick pasta will do for today.
I’m almost done cooking when I hear laughter and chatting coming from the backyard. I smile and turn off the stove.
“Honey! I’m home.” Ben shouts at me and I giggle. “It’s about time.” I shout back and go outside. Ben is clearly drunk and so are Will and Ben Johnson. It’s good to see Ben with his friends, but I don’t like him to be drunk all the time.
“Dinner is almost ready.” I say and lift my head to Ben for a kiss. He gives me a quick peck on my lips and continues talking to Will. I shrug and walk back inside to get the plates ready.
Joanne follows me. “Let me help.” She says. “It’s okay.” I mumble.
“Sit down for a moment.” She orders and I do what she says. I sit down at the kitchen table and Joanne grabs a chair. “Are you feeling well?” She asks.
I shrug. “I think so. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel sad, jealous and happy at the same time.” I confess.
“Must be the hormones.” Joanne tells me. I shrug again. “I am jealous that Ben is spending so much time with his friends. He is always here when I come home from work. Today he wasn’t here. Am I too demanding? I know he needs to spend time with his friends too. But I thought I was more important.”
I don’t like myself this way. Insecure, jealous and sad. That’s not the way I am.
I avoid looking at Joanne. She must think that I am a crazy person.
She rests her hand on my shoulder and squeezes gently. “It’s definitely the hormones speaking.” She finally says and I smile a bit. “I hope so. I’ve never been the jealous kind. Especially not when it’s about men.” I say.
Joanne nods understandingly and pulls me into a hug. “It will be alright.” She assures. “Now let‘s take the food out to them.”
We fill the plates and take them outside where the men are chatting and drinking. Ben takes another sip of his beer and waves his hands while telling a story. I love his gesturing when he’s talking.
“Dude!” Will ducks to avoid Bens’ swinging arms and I giggle. “Ben, sit down and eat.” I say and he does so.
“This food is good.” Ben Johnson says and I blush a little. “Thank you.” I reply.
Ben keeps talking and laughing so much that he forgets to eat. By the time he finally takes another bite, the food is cold. “It’s cold.” He says unnecessarily and I chuckle. “Of course it’s cold. Heat it up in the microwave.”
It’s a warm and nice September night. “This is the last Friday before you become Mrs. Ben Graupner.” David laughs and I shiver. “I am still not used to the sound of it. Though I keep saying it to myself all the time.” I reply.
“To Mr. and Mrs. Ben Graupner.” Will raises his glass and Ben looks me in the eye. I giggle. “This time next week we will be Mr. and Mrs. Graupner.” He smiles and I shiver again. “Can it be next week yet?” I ask and Ben leans toward me for a kiss. He softly bites my bottom lip. “In only seven days.”
I smile against his mouth. “Only seven days.” I pull back and Ben takes another sip of his beer. “I am going to town with the guys again tomorrow.” He says before plopping down on the couch next to Ben Johnson. I frown.
Another day without Ben.
But I can deal with it.
I sit on the bench in the garden in between Ben and Will. My eyelids are getting heavy and I rest my head on the closest shoulder.
I am startled awake when I feel a soft nudge in my side. I sit up straight and look at the one who just nudged me. “Will, I’m sorry.” I mumble.
“You should go to bed.” Will says with a smile and I nod slowly. “I think you are right.” I get up from the bench and wave around. “I am off to bed. See you all tomorrow.” I say.
I walk towards the door and Joanne grabs my hand. “It will be okay.” She assures me one more time. “Can you keep an eye on him for me please?” I ask before heading to bed.
I crawl under the blankets and fold my hands on my belly. The little one is kicking up a storm. I wish Ben was here to sing the little one asleep.
The window is open and I can hear the soft laughing come from downstairs. It sounds like Ben is playing his guitar. I crawl out of bed and open the window a bit more.
Soft guitar tones seep into the bedroom and I rest my head back in the pillows. The little one is quiet and I enjoy the soothing sounds of Bens’ guitar that are softly coming from downstairs.
The bed next to me is empty when I wake up. I look at the clock. It’s almost noon. Where is he?”
I slowly step out of bed. It gets harder by the day.
There is no sound coming from downstairs and I peek around the door. A curly haired guy is fast asleep on the sofa. A dark haired fro peeks out from the kitchen. Is he really asleep on the floor in the kitchen? I softly giggle and see that Ben is asleep on the love seat. His legs draped over the arm rest. He snores softly.
I walk up to him and poke him in his stomach. He opens his eyes and yawns. “What’s wrong?” He asks and I laugh. “Why did you sleep here?” I ask.
Ben yawns again and rubs his eyes. “I guess I was too drunk to go upstairs.” He admits. “Can you make some coffee?” He asks and I give him a stare of death. “Do it yourself, I am going back to bed.” I mutter and turn around to go back to bed.
I am not sleepy at all but I just can’t be around Ben when he has a hangover.
I waddle back and forth from the bed to the balcony. The sun is too hot to sit up here and I don’t feel like lying down on the bed.
I eventually decide to take a bath before heading to Erica’s to have some fun there. She doesn’t know it yet, but I am sure she won’t mind if I come over.
The hot bath relaxes me and I am all refreshed when I get dressed. I slip into my long white cotton dress, with my flip flops and big white hat and go back down to the living room. Ben fell asleep again and I grab the car keys.
I honk my horn when I arrive at Soñador and Erica rushes outside. “What are you doing here?” She asks while looking back over her shoulder. “I was bored. So I came to entertain you.” I grin.
Erica keeps looking over her shoulder and tries to push me back to the car. “I am kinda busy. Can you come back later? Do some grocery shopping first or something.” She asks.
I try to look past her to the house but she’s blocking me. “Erica, what’s going on?” I ask.
“Nothing. Like I said, I am busy. Can you come back later?” I am sure she did not mean to sound harsh but it feels like she threw a bucket of cold water over my head. I grunt and start the car. I leave without saying anything.
The days pass by. My belly is growing bigger and bigger. I am thirty weeks pregnant now and I only have to work for one more week. The last week that I will be Lynn van der Beek.
My belly grown so big, that I can hardly do any useful. And I am waddling more than I actually walk.
I have to fit my dress one last time before the wedding. Carlotta is came with me to the tailor and I laugh loudly when my belly refuses to fit in the dress. The tailor assures me it will all be fine before next week.
The butterflies flutter through my stomach. I will be Mrs Graupner next week.
My phone rings and I check the screen. It’s an unfamiliar number. “Hello?” I ask.
“Lynn?” a unfamiliar voice asks and I hum.
“Hi, my name is Will. I am a friend of Ben. And I was wondering if there is anyway someone could pick me up at the airport.” He asks.
My mind flashes back two years ago. “Twhilla Will?” I ask and he snorts. “Yes, that would be me.”
“Thwilla ‘the Sound a.k.a Merch guy‘ Will?” I ask again.
The Will guy at the other end of the phone laughs loudly. “Yup. That’s me.”
I blush and almost drop my phone. I manage to grab a hold of myself. “I will be there in twenty minutes.” I promise him.
I am picking up William Schmidt. One of Bens’ friends. I smile widely. I am looking forward to seeing him again.
I drop Carlotta off at her house and speed towards the airport. I have no idea where to find him and I drive around in circles.
Then I see a familiar face. I stop the car and honk my horn. He looks up and runs up to the car. “Hi. Lynn?” He asks and I nod. “In the flesh.”
“Wait a minute, I need to get Ben.” He says and runs back to the suitcases. I am confused. “Ben?” I ask to myself.
I look in the direction Will headed to and see him returning with a very familiar guy. The fro is not as big as I remember but his scruffy beard is still the same. “Ben Johnson. Well, I’ll be damned.” I say stammering. “I never thought I’d see you ever again.”
The guy with the fro laughs at me and I blush. “Nice to see you Lynn.” He laughs and offers me his hand.
I shake it. “Good to see you again Johnson. It’s been a while. You grew up.” I giggle.
He glances at my big belly. “You got bigger.” He teases.
I open the car doors for them.
“SHOTGUN!” Will shouts and jumps into the passenger seat. Ben Johnson sighs and gets into the backseat.
I start the car and drive back to the house. “Where did you get my phone number from?” I ask Will.
“David.” He replies. “David is gathering some of Bens’ friends for the wedding. We’re just two of them.“ He says.
“So there will be more people calling me, asking me to pick them up from the airport? How lovely of David to inform me.” I sigh dramatically.
I need to have a word with that man.
“Is Ben home?” Johnson asks me. I look in my rearview mirror and my eyes meet his’. “Probably, yes.” I say.
“Great. He will be very surprised to see us.” Will laughs.
I bet he will. Hell even I am surprised to be sitting in a car with these two guys.
I park the car in front of the house. We step out and I tell the guys to go around back. Ben will probably be in the back yard.
I waddle after them, not able to keep up with their quick pace. “GRAUPNER!” Will yells and I giggle.
Ben peeks around the corner and sees his friends walking up toward him. A smile spreads across his face and he walks up to the boys to give them a hug.
“What are you guys doing here?” He asks surprised.
“I heard someone is getting married and you know how much I love to crash parties.” Johnson laughs.
“Lynn, did you have anything to do with this?” He asks and I shake my head. “Blame your dad.” I grin.
“I just got a phone call from Mr. Thwilla here, asking me to pick them up from the airport. I am just as surprised as you are.” I say.
“Guys sit down. I’ll get you something to drink.” I say. “Let me do it. Where’s the fridge?” Ben Johnson asks. “Not a problem. You have a lot of catching up to do.” I say and go inside.
I grab some beers and a bottle of water and head back outside. The guys are talking about the past months.
I hand them all a beer and take my bottle of water and my book to the hammock. I don’t want to bother the guys.
“Hey! Where are you going?” Ben asks and I turn around. “I’ll just leave you guys alone, you must have a lot to talk about. And you don’t need me for that.” I smile and continue my way to the hammock. Ben jumps up, runs after me and grabs my arm. “Of course I need you. I want my friends to get to know the important woman in my life.” He gives me a kiss and pulls me with him.
Ben sits down and pulls me onto his lap. I giggle. “I am way to heavy for your lap now.” I blush, but Ben pulls me closer.
We talk about our upcoming wedding and the baby. When Ben Johnson points at our matching bracelets we tell them about Amada. I wipe away a tear when I think back to that day.
I feel tired and I have to work in the morning so I say goodnight to the guys. “Want me to kick them out?” Ben asks and I shake my head. “Of course not. Have a good time.” I kiss him softly on his lips.
Will gets up from his chair and pulls me into a big hug. “Goodnight.” He says.
Ben Johnson gives me a hug too. “You are still the best hugger.” I whisper in his ear. And he laughs.
“What are you talking about?” Ben asks and I shrug. “Nothing in particular.” I grin and walk away.
“Now I remember her.” Ben Johnson tells Ben. “What did she say to you?” He asks curious.
I don’t hear Ben Johnsons’ answer.
There is no way to lie down comfortably in the bed with this big belly. So I lie down flat on my back. A soft thud at the end of the bed announced Theo. He barks softly and curls up next to me with his head pressed against my waist.
I wake up when Ben comes to bed. He gives me a soft kiss. His lips taste like beer.
He smells like beer and cigarettes.
He falls down next to me and starts to snore loudly, almost immediately. I stare at the ceiling.
This sucks. There is no chance for me to go back to sleep with him snoring next to me. I nudge him and he turns over. The snoring stops and I manage to get some more sleep.
It’s way too early when my alarm clock rings. I moan and get out of bed. I get dressed and head downstairs to make some tea before Inéz arrives.
I open the door to the living room and I am startled when a loud snoring is coming from inside.
I peek around the corner and see Will curled up on the love seat and Ben Johnson sleeping on the couch.
Of course they are.
I’ll be as quiet as possible and sneak into the room. A soft knock on the door makes me look up. Inéz is waving at me.
I quickly waddle to the door to let her in. I place my finger at my lips and point at the sleeping guys. Inéz arches her eyebrow but stays quiet.
We quickly go into the kitchen. “Who the hell are they?” Inéz whispers with a grin. “Who’s the cutie with the fro?” She continues while wiggling her eyebrows. I laugh. “Which one?” I ask. “They both have a fro.” I laugh. “The dark one.” Inéz replies.
“That’s Ben Johnson. Bens’ friend. The other one is William Schmidt, another friend. They flew in from the United States yesterday. I assume they drank to much last night.” I giggle.
The tea is ready and we head to the daycare. Inéz keeps asking me about the guys but I can’t tell her much.
“I only met them yesterday for real.” I say. “For real?” She asks and I tell her that Ben and Ben used to be in the band together and that they are sorta in another band together. I also tell her that I met them two years ago when I was still in love with the band.” Inéz laughs.
“So, technically you are a groupie. Screwing a band member and getting knocked up.” She giggles.
I nudge her. “Technically, yes. But I really love this man.” I sigh.
The kids arrive one by one and we brace ourselves for another fun day.
Inéz, the kids and I are having lunch when a weary head peeks around the corner of the daycare. “Hi Will.” I wave at him. “Come in.”
He steps in the room and looks at me. “We’re heading out for a while and we’re taking Ben with us.” He says with a smile. I nod. “Sure, have a great time.” I reply and wave when he leaves the room. “He’s cute.” Inéz giggles.
“Heard that.” Will says from the other side of the door. He opens it and steps back inside. “How rude of me. I am William.” He offers his hand to Inéz. She shakes it with a faint blush. “Me llamo Inéz.” She suddenly speaks Spanish and I look at her with a light frown.
She’s still staring at Will and Will stares back at Inéz. What is this all about?
Ben was right, the hurt fades but the thoughts still linger.
I am back at work, though not for five days anymore. Only three. The days are looking brighter and the little one inside my belly is growing well.
I am pregnant for twenty two weeks. And we had our first official ultrasound after the one we had when Amada died.
The doctor told us that she could see the gender. But Ben and I don’t want to know. We want it to be a surprise.
Ben and I are strolling through the center of Seville to find the perfect wedding rings.
There is a small jewelry store ahead and we step inside. “I don’t want the ring to be big and with diamonds.” I tell Ben. “Just simple and beautiful, like the one you wear.” I point at Bens‘ ring.
“Silver?” He asks. “Silver.” I agree.
We look through all the showcases for the perfect ones. Ben points at a set of dark sterling silver rings. I shake my head.
I point at a silver ring with three tiny diamonds in it. Now it’s Bens’ turn to shake his head.
There is a little closed box in one of the showcases and I ask the jeweler if we can see those.
He opens the showcase and takes out the box. The jeweler opens it slowly and I fall in love with the rings the moment I see them.
The female ring is silver, with a row of diamonds in the middle. The male ring is silver with a dark silver band in the middle.
It’s the mix of the rings we both like. Ben asks the price and he frowns when the jeweler answers him.
“I am afraid we don’t have money for that Lynn.” Ben says and I pout. “Can you hold them for us please? I am going to try something.” I ask and the jeweler promises me not to sell the rings.
I step outside and call my parents. “Dad, do you still want to give us the perfect wedding gift?” I ask.
My dad confirms and I tell him about the perfect rings. I ask him if he is willing to make a donation as wedding gift.
“I like that idea.” He says and promises me to send me the money. I keep saying thank you over and over again till my dad hangs up the phone.
I smile at Ben and raise my thumb. We walk back inside and see if the rings will fit. Bens’ ring is too small and we place an order to have it sized.
Almost everything is now settled for the 4th of October.
We discussed our wedding plans for a long time and we decided to keep it a small wedding with only our closest friends and family.
A wedding in the olive tree grove at Soñador. It was Ericas’ idea to make it happen there. She knows how much I love being around the olive tree grove.
I’ve been shopping for a wedding gown with Carlotta, Inéz and Erica. I found a perfect dress for the state I will be in during the wedding.
A white satin halter top dress.
It fits perfectly. I will have to try it on one more time, a week before the wedding so they can make it bigger around my belly.
The wedding day is getting closer but first we will have Bens’ ‘twenty seven and a half’ birthday.
He thought I was joking when I told him it was going to happen, but I wasn’t. I invited close friends for a barbecue on Saturday.
The sun is high up in the sky and it’s too hot to do anything else but relaxing in the shadow of a tree. I sit in my hammock between the two olive trees in the garden and swing back and forth a little.
My hand rests on my belly and Ben hands me a glass of juice. “Got room for me there too?” He asks and I move a little to make room for him. He wraps his arm around me and I lean my head on his shoulder. His head rests on mine and his other hand is resting on my belly.
We slowly swing back and forth. Theo is sleeping on the grass next to the hammock and there is no sound besides the leaves rustling and birds whistling.
A soft kick from the inside of my belly makes Ben look up. “I felt it, I finally felt it.” He laughs.
“Hi there little one, I am your daddy.” He says loudly and I giggle. “The little one can hear you, no need to shout.” I say.
“Really? It can hear me?” Ben asks and I nod. Ben lets go of me and runs inside to return with his Spanish guitar and a chair. He sits down in front of me and softly strums the guitar.
The little one inside my belly starts moving and kicking around like crazy. And I laugh. “Seems like it already knows how to dance frantically in passion.”
Ben quits playing and the little one stops moving.
“Play again.” I ask with a frown. Ben does what I ask and the little one kicks me again.
“Now stop.” I ask and Ben does so. Little one stops moving too and I laugh.
“I think we made a little musician.” I grin.
“A dancer maybe.” Ben laughs.
He strums his guitar a bit more and I lean back to enjoy it all. Ben softly sings a song I remember from back in the days. When he was still in the band.
I softly sing along.
“Your pretty lady's waiting out In the coal stained air And I've watched Your hair turn gray Throughout the course of one fateful day
She got She got Shy water in her eyes.”
Ben smiles at me and continues singing.
I clap my hands when he stops and he smiles shyly. “I never expected you to know the lyrics.” He admits and I giggle. “Of course I still know the lyrics. I also know songs I listened to when I was a teenager. Your music was such a big part of my life, it’s hard to forget any of it.”
He gets up and leans in to kiss me. “I love you Ben.” I mumble against his mouth. “I love you too Lynn.” He leans in more to press a kiss on my belly. “I love you too little one.”
Ben jumps up and I giggle. “I think you just got kicked in the face.” I snort and Ben laughs. “I think so too.
Ben takes his guitar back inside and then joins me and the little one in the hammock again.
**************************** The Song Ben is singing in the story: Shy Water:
Ben parks the car in front of ‘Soñador’ and I run inside to find my mom. She’s sitting on the sofa watching TV with my dad. She gets up from the sofa when I run toward her. She wraps me in her arms and I start crying again.
“One is dead mom. I had twins and one is dead.” I sob. My mom gasps and strokes my back. I cling to her and cry till I run out of tears.
I release my grip and step back a little. My mums’ cheeks are wet and my dad has red, teary eyes too.
I don’t have to look at Ben to know that he is crying too.
My dad is furious when I tell him that the doctor sent me home to await a spontaneous abortion. But there is nothing we can do about it. That’s the way things are.
I am still terrified to see what the baby looks like.
Erica offers to make dinner for us and we both gladly accept. I sit on the couch next to my dad. His arm firmly wrapped around me like only a dad can.
I look at Ben every now and then. It breaks my heart to see the sad look on his face, but I find it hard to comfort him while I am dealing with my own sorrows right now.
Two days pass by and nothing happens yet. No contractions. No blood loss. Only a broken heart.
A little movement in my belly makes me wake up from my thoughts. I rest my hand on my belly. “I should not forget about you.” I softly speak to the still living little one in my belly.
People give me lot of advice to make it easier. But things don’t get easier. It’s scary to carry a dead baby inside of me. But I am also sad and hurt.
Ben told his students that he is taking some time off to be here for me. I don’t want him to be around me all the time right now. I can’t handle the sad puppy dog eyes looking at me all the time.
I can’t make him realize it that I am not a fragile doll to be protected. I feel like I carry a ‘handle with care’ sign on my butt.
“I am going to take a hot bath.” I tell him. “Let me help you.” He says and I want to scream at him. But I don’t .
I let him follow me upstairs. He gets the bath ready while I undress myself. And that’s when I feel a wet substance between my legs.
I wipe my fingers across my thighs and look at my hand.
Blood.
This is it.
“Ben, it’s started.” I moan. A sharp pain shoots through my belly. “Call the doctor.” I manage to say before I hit the floor.
I use everything in my power not to faint. Ben runs to the bedroom, grabs his phone and calls the doctor. She promises to come over right away.
Ben lifts my upper body a little and sits behind me to hold me tight while I try to handle the contractions. He calls Erica to tell her that it’s started and that she has to come right away.
The front door opens not even five minutes later and I hear voices.
Erica runs into the bathroom followed by the doctor.
I scream and cry. Ben is still holding me, pressing me against his chest.
I cry louder when I feel something slide out of me, something the size of a small ball. Ben gasps and the doctor kneels next to my legs. “There she is. A perfect little girl.” The doctor reaches between my legs and holds a tiny red thing in her hand.
It looks like a little person but not really a person at all. I think. My thoughts don’t make sense. I can’t stop staring at my little girl in the hand of the doctor.
My little girl that had no chance to live at all.
I rest my head back against Bens’ shoulder. Tears are running down my cheeks. Ben is crying too, a tear drops in my neck. I turn my head and rest my forehead against his cheek.
“I think you should give her a name. That might help you get through this.” The doctor tells me.
That’s something we haven’t spoken about yet. Names.
The first name that pops up in my mind is Amada. I have never heard the name before and I don’t know if it’s an actual name. But I like the sound of it.
I suggest it to Ben and he softly nods. “I like that.”
Little Amada. The girl that was not meant to be with us. I look at her one more time before the doctor carefully takes her away.
Five days have passed since Amada was born. We are buried her yesterday. They told me that’s not a standard procedure and they had never had someone ask before. But it’s something I need to do. Something that will help me get through this immense pain. The doctor checked up on me and the other baby, still inside my belly, is doing good.
Better than I am doing right now. I don’t eat. I hardly take care of myself. All I am doing is sit on the couch staring outside.
I can’t be bothered to go to the daycare. Inéz is taking care of it anyway. I can’t be bothered to go outside. The only thing I want to do is sleep. Sleep and think of nothing.
The pain that I feel is too much right now.
Ben wanted to take more days off but I told him to go to work. I can’t have him around me right now.
I want to be alone with my pain.
My mum and dad leave Seville tomorrow and I don’t care. They are checking up on me every day and I am getting tired of it.
A knock on the door makes me look up and I sigh. Not again.
I paste a smile on my face and open the door for my parents. “Wow, that’s been a while.” I say. My parents don’t notice the sarcasm in my voice.
My mum hands me a basket of oranges. ‘You need some vitamins.” She says. I take the basket and take it to the kitchen. My mum buzzes around me and I finally break down. “MOM! Can you please stop. I want to be alone. Please leave!” I snap and she looks startled at me. “Lynn, I’m sorry. Why didn’t you just say so?” She asks and grabs her bag.
She hugs me quickly before taking my dad with her back to Soñador.
I lie down on the couch and curl up in a ball. Theo is keeping my company. The only company I want right now.
The little one is moving inside my belly and I place my hand on it.
There were two.
Now only one.
I hear the front door open and Ben shouts my name. “Here.” I say softly. I am not sure if he heard me. His peeks around the door and he smiles. He has one arm behind his back and I look curiously at him.
“I got you something.” He says.
I sit up straight and wait for him to walk over to me. He hands me a little box and I open it with trembling hands.
There is a silver bracelet with a silver plate on it in the box. I look and read the words. ‘Amada’ it says. “Look at the other side.” Ben says and I turn it over.
‘Our beloved angel. 06-28-2013’
Ben shows me his wrist to show me a slightly thicker silver bracelet. “I’ve got the same.” He says. “I don’t want the memory of Amada to fade away.” He leans in to kiss me.
“Amada means beloved.” I whisper and look up at Ben. “I know.” He replies simply. “That’s why I had it engraved like that.”
I reach up and pull him close. “Hold me please.” I cry.
Ben sits down next to me and pulls me onto his lap. I rest my head against his neck, wrapping my arms around him.
“I am about to break down Ben. I can’t take it anymore.” I cry uncontrollably. Bens’ hands stroke my back
Ben promises me that the hurt will fade someday.
“Please be strong, there is another little one inside your belly who needs you to take care of him or her.” He says.
