Chapter 57- By Your Side

The nurse leaves me and my parents behind with our thoughts running. My dad tries to cheer me up but I can’t seem to smile anymore.

Ben returns to my room and hands me a pink floating balloon. “Hmm, thanks, I think.” I frown.

I hate balloons.

It has Dora on it, why does it have Dora on it?”

“Why is there Dora on the balloon?” I ask with a frown and Ben laughs. “Because there weren’t any other pink balloons.”

I smile faintly. “Thank you.”

Another nurse comes back to the room and notifies my parents and Ben that visiting hours are over and that they have to leave. My mum and dad give me a hug. “Call us if you hear anything.” My mum says. I promise her to do so and wave at them when they leave my room.

Ben sits next to me on the bed. His hand rests on my belly and his face is turned toward me. I turn my head and look him in his eyes. “I love you Lynn, no matter what happens.” He whispers and gives me a kiss before he leaves the bed. He bends over one more time to place a kiss on my belly. “Hang in there little one.” He mumbles against my little bump.

I blow him a kiss before he leaves the room.
I am alone with my thoughts and plug in my music to drift away to the music entering my ears.

I manage to sleep most of the night and am woke up by the nurse who wants to measure my blood pressure.
I stick out my arm and she folds the band around it. My blood pressure is good and the nurse leaves the room.

Will there ever come a doctor to tell me anything?

The breakfast cart brings me bread and juice.

Still no doctor.

Hours are passing by. After waiting for three hours, a good natured doctor enters the room. “Good morning Señorita.” He smiles and starts talking to me in rapid Spanish. I can hardly understand him and ask him to slow down.

“What I was saying is that we will run some tests today to see how life in there is going.” He says while gently patting me on my belly. I twitch and want to move away from the doctor as far as possible.
“Can you please not touch my belly like that.” I snap and the doctor apologizes.

He annoys me with his happiness.

“We will come and take you for tests in a short while.” The doctor continues his sentence and says goodbye.

I still have no idea what they are going to do now.

A man with a wheelchair approaches my bed and helps me out of bed into the wheelchair and drives me away.
He puts the wheelchair in front of a closed door in a long hallway. There are people waiting on the chairs next to me.

I feel lonely.

After what seems like hours, a nurse comes to get me and helps me down on the bed for a new ultrasound scan.

The nurse is trying to comfort me while she examines me. She looks worried from the screen back to me and I get goosebumps all over my body.
What’s going on?

She’s writing down in a folder but isn’t saying anything.

“Can you please tell me what’s wrong?” I beg. She looks at me. “I  can’t find a heartbeat.” She says softly.

My eyes fill with tears and I turn my head to the other side. I can’t look at the screen. “Is the baby dead?” I ask.

“I am not sure yet.” She avoids my question but continues sliding the wand across my belly.

And then, all of a sudden out of nowhere;

A little thumping sound. Faint, but definitely there.

I breath in slowly. “Is that it?” I ask and look back at her. The nurse smiles at me and nods slowly.

“Is everything okay?” I ask. “I can’t believe this.” The nurse says stunned. “Everything seems intact here. But on the other side.” She pauses while sliding the wand back to the other side. “There is a nearly empty membrane. Señora, did you know you were expecting twins?” She asks.

I gasp. “Twins?” I ask.

The nurse nods and looks at the screen again. “I think you have to return to your room, you have to call your husband and talk to the doctor.” She says quickly. “Twins?” I ask again but the nurse does not reply. She dials a number on the phone. Another nurse comes in the room and helps me back into my wheelchair to take me to my room.
“Call your husband.” The nurse says to me before I leave the room.

The first thing I do when I am back in the room, is call Ben. “Ben you need to come over. I don’t know why but I don’t have a good feeling.” I say. Ben assures me he will be here as soon as possible. “Drive carefully.” I say and hang up the phone.

“Everything okay?” The girl in the other bed tries to start a conversation with me. I don’t reply and she gives up.

Twins?

She really said twins.

It takes Ben twenty minutes to come up to my room. As soon as he is here the doctor enters too. He closes the curtains around my bed and asks Ben to sit down.

We both look at the doctor and he starts talking.

“After the ultrasound today we found that there was a nearly empty membrane. But also one that’s completely intact. You were pregnant with twins. But one of them did not make it. Your water broke yesterday and left one without fluid. It had no chance to survive.  You will miscarry that one probably within a few days. I am sorry to bring you this sad news.” He bows his head, turns around and leaves us behind.

I am too shocked to say anything.

How come I never noticed? How could I be pregnant with twins?

And suddenly it hits me. I carry a dead baby inside of me together with his still living sibling.

I put my hands over my face and start crying uncontrollably. I lost my baby. How can I lose my baby?

I hear Ben sniffing next to me and I stare at him. He is staring out the window. Silent tears are running down his cheeks. I reach out my hand and squeeze his shoulder.
He places his hand on mine and squeezes it softly.

We cry together.

The doctor returns back to my room after a short while to tell me that I can go home to wait till the miscarriage happens. If it doesn’t happen within a week, I need to come back.

I am terrified to find a dead baby but I know it’s something that has to happen.

I gather my stuff, sigh deep and leave the hospital together with Ben. “I need to see my mom.” I cry.

This flood of tears will not be over yet.