“Are we there yet?” Ben asks. I shake my head. “Not yet, but I have NO idea where to go right now.” I grin.
“Are we there now?” Ben asks again. I smile.
“And now?” he repeats. I start laughing and pats his leg. “Almost Donkey, almost there.”
Ben makes a popping sound with his mouth. “Are we there yet?” I can’t stop laughing. “If you don’t stop it, I pull over and let you walk.” I tease.
*Pop*
“Are we there yet?”
I do my best not to laugh, but I can’t stop giggling. “Seriously Ben, stop it.”
*Pop*
I place my hand on his mouth, before he can ask it again. “Afmweyt” he mumbles against my palm. That tickles and I press my hand harder against his mouth. A wet touch makes me pull my hand away. “Both hands on the wheel.” Ben grins.
“EWWW, you licked my hand!” I rub my hand on Ben’s jeans. He chuckles. “Yup, I did.”
I give him the stink eye but my mouth curls in a smile. “Silly giant you.” I grin.
“I don’t know how hungry you are, but we haven’t seen any house or town for a while now.” I say.
According to the GPS we are somewhere close to Montsant, national park. But I can’t see it yet, and I have no idea if there will be a town, or restaurant close.
I am glad we’ve got enough gas for the next 500 kilometers.
“Want me to drive?” Ben asks, I shake my head. “No, I kinda like it, but I hope we find some place to spend the night before it’s dark.” I reply.
“We can always find a field to sleep in.” Ben says with a smirk.
“Yeah, or the national park, between the bears and wolves.” I mutter. “Are there bears and wolves in Spain?” Ben asks. I shrug. “I have no idea.”
After driving in the middle of nowhere, we finally pass a little town. I drive through it, there are a few houses and a little drugstore. I park the car, step out and look around. There is no one on the streets.
“I almost expect the tumbleweed to pass by.” Ben appears next to me.
“Dude we’re not in Dos Manos right now.” I joke. Ben nudges. “What is this? A ghost town?”
The drug store is still open and I step inside. The air inside is damp, and it’s hard to breath.
There is a guy behind the counter, but he seems to be asleep. I scrape my throat and the guy opens his eyes. “Buenos dias.” The guy curls his lips in a smile, he hardly has any teeth. “Buenos dias señor” I reply.
The man starts to ramble in quick Spanish, and I look helpless at Ben, he shrugs and shakes his head a little. He doesn’t understand the guy either.
I try English. “Sorry, sir, I don’t speak Spanish. Do you by any chance, know a restaurant, or a hotel?” I ask.
The man stops talking and frowns at me. “Ah, Hotel, si, hotel.” He smiles wider and nods. “Donde?” Ben asks the man where the hotel is. I look hopeful at the man when he steps from behind the counter and tells us to follow him. I grab Ben’s hand and follow the man outside.
He points to the right. “There.” he says in his best English. “Muchas Gracias” Ben and I both say. And jump back in the car.
The man waves at us when we drive in the direction he pointed us to. And yes, there, right around the corner is a little hotel. It looks shabby, but I guess it will do for one night only.
Gladly there are rooms available, in fact I don’t think there are any other people besides us.
We buy food at the hotel lobby, and the lady behind the desk shows us our room. The room is tiny, with barely enough room for a small queen sized bed. There is a little bathroom behind a door in the corner. I look inside.
“DUDE, you have to be a kid to fit in here.” I smile, thinking of Ben folded in the little bathroom.
He peeks too and grins. “I think I have to skip the shower.”
“We can always go for a swim tomorrow, I laugh.”
I grab my backpack. And realize that I never went shopping for new clothes. That means I don’t have anything to sleep in besides my sweatpants that I am wearing for 3 days now, or my jeans, which doesn’t sound like a good option to me. So only a shirt it is then. But the shirts I brought are in a desperate need of a wash too.
“Ben, do you have a shirt that I can borrow to sleep in?” I ask. He rummages through his bag, pulls out a black shirt and smells it. “I think this one’s clean.” He tosses it to me and I grab it from the air. “Thanks.”
“I go try to fit myself in the shower.” I laugh. I grab my bag and squeeze myself in the bathroom. It takes some yoga moves, but I am able to take a decent shower, wash my hair and shave my legs.
I slip in my underwear, pull Ben’s shirt over my head and smell it. Well, so much for this shirt being clean. It smells like Ben.
I peek around the corner of the bathroom door and see Ben reading on the bed. “What are you reading?” I ask. He looks up. “Alice in Wonderland.” he replies.
“Really? I love that book, I read it so many times, that I had to buy a new copy twice.” I say. “You still have it?” He asks, and I have to deny that. “No, I left it at Rick’s. just like everything else besides the things I brought with me.” I sit down on the bed, next to Ben and pull my knees up to my chin, with my arms wrapped around them. It’s my protective way of sitting when emotions are about to hit me like a subway train.
“You know, the moments when we are on the road, having fun, laughing and talking, are doable. But the times when I am in a quiet room are hard to deal with. Thinking he will find me, when I stay in one place too long.” I softly speak, more to myself than to Ben.
“You made me smile again, but inside I am still the girl Rick wanted me to be. Afraid to have fun, because grown ups don’t have fun. They don’t dance in public. They don’t skip. They don’t play.” I continue.
Ben wraps his arm around me and I lean against his shoulder.
“Deep inside you ARE the girl you used to be. Not the girl that Rick wanted you to be. That girl is somewhere on the surface, you just have to push that one away, and let the old you be there too. I am there for you when you need me, if you want to laugh, laugh. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to bounce, don’t be afraid.”
I sigh, how come I deserve a guy like Ben? Karma must have loved me to bring Ben back in my life.
Everything happens for a reason, right.
My arms are still tightly folded around my legs. I am afraid to break in a thousand pieces if I let go. Afraid to choke in the emotions that are finding their way outside if I give them the chance to escape.
“Let them out.” Ben knows how I feel. It’s like he is a part of me, feeling what I feel, knowing what I know. And knowing what I need to feel better.
Ben pulls me on his lap and I have to let go of my legs. I straddle Ben, wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his neck. I feel the hot tears finding their way out.
I sob uncontrollably. Ben pulls me close against him and holds me tight. He lets me cry till I am all out of tears. I feel empty and tired but also relieved. My shoulders still shock with every sob I let out, but I have no more tears left to cry.
I sit up straight and look in Ben’s eyes. “Thank you.” I mouth. “No problem.” he replies. He pulls me back against him and hugs me tight. “You are still the best hugger I’ve ever met.” I whisper.
No comments:
Post a Comment