Chapter 1 - Electric life

I stare up to the sky, it’s a nice summer day, and I am enjoying the weather, lying on my back in the tall grass in the park.
There are dogs running around me and some kids in the distance are playing soccer. I’ve got a straw of grass in my mouth and my hands are folded behind my head. This is pure bliss. It was the best decision ever to move to Amsterdam, around the corner of the park and only a ten minute walk away from the center where everything happens.
My phone wakes me up from my thoughts, I look on the screen and see that it’s Sara calling. I pick up. “Yo dude” I grin. “Lynn, where are you?” she asks. “I am in the park? Where are you? Aren’t you supposed to be in the shop?” I reply. Sara owns one of the most famous coffeeshops in Amsterdam, the Funky Monkey. That’s how we met, I was pretty interested only because of the name. “Yes I am, but I had to wish you a happy anniversary” she replies. I sigh and smile at my phone. She’s the cutest, to remember this. “Thank you love, I am waiting for Rick to arrive now.” I grin. “Hope to catch you later.” I stuff the phone back in my jeans pocket and stare up at the sky again.

I let my thoughts wander while I am waiting for my boyfriend Rick. I met him exactly a year ago, in this same park. I was kinda lost, and he seemed like a reliable person to help me out. Which was the best decision ever made. He helped me find my way out of the park, and changed my life completely.
I was madly in love with a band guy, and tried everything to fly to the United States and meet him again. Rick made me see, that it was useless and helped me back with my feet on the ground.
I was a 23 year old girl, with the behavior of a teenager, until I fell in love with Rick. July 10, 2012 was the day I grew up.

Now, we got all settled, bought a house in the middle of Amsterdam, and are slowly speaking about tossing out the birth control pills.
There were moments I longed back to the days of being a groupie, following every little thing the band said or did, bought the singles, albums and merchandise, right when it was in the stores. And I did everything to get close to one of the singers, Benjamin Graupner. My body shivers when I think about his eyes, his smile, his voice.

I sigh and close my eyes. Those days, yes, those days were the most amazing days, with the most awesome memories. Meeting the band, meeting the other fans. Yeah, sometimes I wish I never stopped loving the band. “I wonder what they are doing now” I said out loud to myself. “Who” I heard a well known voice from behind me. I look up into the gorgeous blue eyes I know so well. “RICK you startled me.” I get up from the grass and give him a kiss on his soft lips. “Happy Anniversary Lynn.” He says while lifting me in his strong arms. “Happy Anniversary Rick.” I smile and kiss him again. “What are today’s plans?” I ask him. “I brought some food, and I was thinking about a picnic, right here on this spot.” He grins and shows me a basket. “You are such a romantic guy.” I sigh and kiss him again.
Rick spreads out a blanket on the grass and starts pulling food out of the basket. “Omnomnomnom” I grin while grabbing the chocolate chip cookies. Rick laughs and nudges my side. “Weirdo.”

We both laugh. “I love you Rick.”

“I love you too Lynn.” he replies while gently pulling my head towards him for a kiss.

Rick is feeding me grapes, I feed him strawberries and we have the time of our life. “I got you something” Rick suddenly says and pulls out a wrinkled envelope and hands it to me. I open it and a little note falls out.

‘To my beloved Lynn who means the world to me.
This note is just a note, nothing more than writing you what you mean to me. But there is one thing more I want to ask you….’

And then the note stops, I look at Rick and my mouth falls open when he sits in front of me, on one knee, with a little box in his hand.

“Lynn van der Beek, will you marry me?” He asks with a shy smile.

My mouth is still wide open and I look at him. My eyes are burning and my lip starts to tremble. “YES! YES I will!!” I shout, and we both fall over when I throw myself in his arms.

“I hoped you’d say that” Rick grins and shoves the ring on my finger. I look at it, it’s a simple but gorgeous silver ring. “I love it, I really love it, and I love you too.” I smile widely.

I never thought this could happen to me. ME, getting married, I always thought I would be single forever. A lady that lives in an apartment with thirty cats. When, old and dead, being eaten by them.

Yeah, me and my twisted mind.

Rick and I hang out in the park for the rest of the day, talking, laughing, kissing, and when it starts to get chilly,  we pack up our stuff and walk back to our home. To celebrate our engagement all night long.

The next morning I call Sara. “SARA! Are you in the Funky Monkey today?” I ask. She tells me yes and I grab my stuff and walk over.
It’s only a ten minute walk, and I enjoy the view over all the canals, all the people on the boats, the tourists on the canal walls. It’s just a typical sunny Sunday in Amsterdam.

I open the door of the Funky Monkey and the smell of marijuana greets me. I cough and wrinkle my nose for a moment. Sara sees me and steps from behind the bar and heads to me. “Honey!” she said while hugging me. I hug back quickly before lifting my hand almost against her face to show her the ring. She steps back and glares. “Is that what I think it is?” she asks. I smile widely. “Yes, it is. Rick and I are engaged” I reply.

She screams “CONGRATULATIONS” and hugs me again. The customers in the shop are looking at us, with a frown. “She’s getting married, my lady is getting married.” She explains to them. The customers are mostly familiar to me, and they all simultaneously congratulate me.
I don’t think I could be happier right now… Could I?


The days pass by, and Rick and I agreed on a spring wedding. Sometime in May next year. That gives us enough time to prepare for it.
My colleagues at work were all happy for me and I had to buy cake to celebrate it. It’s a usual thing, we always find ourselves a reason to buy cake and celebrate things. A wedding, a birthday, even the first day of spring. We celebrate it all.

We need to make it fun, coz I assure you, a office job, is not my thing. I always used to work in the childcare, but Rick thought that was not good enough, so he convinced me to work in assurance. At least I make more money now, than I ever did in childcare. But I can honestly say, that I am not doing this job for fun.

My work is on the other side of Museum Square, a very crowded place in Amsterdam, and especially on summer days like this, it’s a great place to hang out during the breaks.

We sit on a bench to enjoy the sun on our face. “That is what I miss most about childcare, not being able to go outside so much, but I know this is for the best. More money and less play” I shrug.

And off starts my mind to wander again. Those days, with the sweetest kids in the world. I am gone from there for 8 months now, and I still miss them every day. They were the best kids I ever met, and they totally went along with me and my obsession with Benjamin Graupner, and his band the 100 Monkeys. The kids knew the songs, the band members, and continued making cute things for them.

My colleagues now, don’t even know about the bands’ existence, and I don’t feel like telling them either.
The only ones around here, knowing about my former obsession, are Sara and Rick.

I still wonder what’s going on with the band. They did not became as big as I hoped they would be. I need to check it out when I have the time. As long as Rick doesn’t find out.

Back at work I find my chance and check out the website. Unknown url, it says. I google and find out that the band quit, only two months ago.
I gasp and stare at the screen. “That’s too bad.” I mumble to myself. “Personal reasons, of course personal reasons, bands always quit for personal reasons.” I mutter. I continue reading and I find out, that they all went their own way, doing their own thing.
Kinda curious I eventually find out, that Benjamin went to act on stage. Theater work, mostly Shakespeare plays. “I should have known.” I mumble and close the screen, to return back to my work.

I walk home, still thinking about the band, how sad that they split up, I really gave them a chance, even with Jackson leaving the band. And apparently they did. They had a lot of sold out shows, and they even traveled to Australia to play at a few of the biggest festivals over there.

And that was at the same time, I gave up on my dreams, and started to grow up. And look where it brought me. A boring job, a soon to be married life, with probably kids soon too. The life I always dreamed to live with Ben, that time, when I still thought that dreams could come true, as long as you believed.

I believed, I enjoyed my life, fell in love, and quit believing.

I still think it was the best decision, to go for Rick.

I sigh and open the front door. “Honey, I’m home” I shout. “In the Kitchen” I hear Rick’s reply and I rush to the kitchen where Rick is making dinner. “Hi honey, how was your day?” I ask. “Good, made a good deal with a client.” he replies. I know I should not ask about his job, but I do it anyway.
“What was it about?” I ask stupidly. Rick turns around. “None of your business” he snaps. “Sorry.” I quickly reply and open the cupboard to grab some plates to set the table.
Rick grabs my arm. “Never do that again.” he growls. My heart is beating. I know that look in his eyes, he used drugs, again. “You promised me to stay away from the cocaine” I mumble, and I feel the tears in my eyes. “You promised.” I repeat.

I see his hand move towards me, and I duck, but I am too late. His hand hits my cheek.

I move backwards to the kitchen door, with my hand on my cheek. “You hit me!” I whisper flabbergasted. “You hit me.” I am still backing away, and Rick is following me, trying to grab my arm. “I am sorry, I didn’t mean to, but, it’s just, you know you should not ask about my job, you know.” He grabs my arm with one hand, while rubbing the back of his neck with his other hand. “You should just not do that.” he says again.

“You hit me, and you used cocaine. Two things you promised to never do again.” I snap. “Now, let go of my arm” I shake my arm, but he only holds me tighter. “You are hurting me.” I groan.
He pulls me towards him and presses his lips on my mouth. His one hand still holding my arm, his other hand on my thigh, sliding up towards my breast and holds it firmly. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”  He mumbles against my mouth. I place my hands on his chest. “Let go of me, I don’t want this right now.” I say, while moving my head away from his mouth. But he grabs my chin with one hand. “But I DO want this right now.” He laughs and nearly throws me on the kitchen table. He slides up my skirt and unbuttons his jeans at the same time.